Radiant Crimson
by PRONTO3000
Summary: I died. I traveled to another world. Then I died again. And in the end, I'm back at point zero with one of my adventuring companion from another world. Now that I've finished my long journey, I'll just enjoy my life as a hikikomori... unless the explosion maniac I brought along with me have something to say about it.
1. Farewell, World!

**Author Note: Okay. Since Deep Purple (my main story on FanFiction) is on hiatus, I will be writing this until I can gain enough inspiration to get it back on its own two feet.**

 **Well, I watched KonoSuba a few days ago and I found it to be extremely hilarious. Especially Megumin's explosive antics. (=w=)**

 **Since that's so, I decided to try writing a fanfic. By the way, I added some stuff to make the chapter longer because I wasn't satisfied enough with the length. Ah, enough of that. Please enjoy~.**

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 **Disclaimer: I don't own KonoSuba, and definitely not implying that I do. This is purely fanfiction and I am certainly not making profit out of this. Don't sue please.**

* * *

"Explosion!"

Blinding crimson light was followed by a loud boom. This once tranquil and peaceful snow plains has turned into such a catastrophic sight... the ground beneath is visible due to the snow getting either melted or flung into the air by the force of that massive blast wave. Not to mention that giant crater at the center of it, which looked like some gaping hole where demons from hell would come out from.

Had the explosion spell been casted one season earlier, we would have started a wildfire! The thought of starting a wildfire in autumn concerns me quite a lot since hypothetically speaking, the monsters fleeing from the fire might seek refuge near the town of Axel. Which would make people suspicious since usually, monsters don't approach near a human settlement without a proper reason.

Thinking hypothetically, the residents of Axel would then connect the appearance of monster swarms to the burning plains just a few kilos nearby, and then they would connect it to fire, specifically fire magic since it was a place where many adventurers go to in order to grind their levels. The Adventurers' Guild would then send a batch of adventurers to investigate, and they would discover a huge crater with signs of a hasty retreat from a group of 4 people.

Seeing the crater, they would then think of what kind of magic could create such a huge damage to this plains. After a few moments of thinking, they would then think of one thing; explosion magic.

And when you talk about explosions, only one person came to mind. "Ah! The loli explosion maniac Arch-Wizard with a few screws loose!"

In the end, the angry villagers would attack the stable where we're residing with pitchforks and torches in hand and that would be:

" **GAME OVER**."

Good thing this is all hypothetical. It's certainly hypothetical. Yes, no doubt about it.

...

...

...

...I'll make sure that Megumin doesn't cast explosion near anything flammable when spring comes. Anyway, out of my mind and back to the present.

"Hahaha! Look! I raised a level!" The dark-brown haired Arch-Wizard announced proudly while waving her adventurer card around, even with half of her body buried under the snow.

Oh, did I forgot to mention that she is a useless one-time-use explosion maniac with barely enough mana to cast it and couldn't move from mana exhaustion after casting the damned spell? Ah, you probably already know that, dear readers.

"I can see it! The future! With this many snow fairies being killed, we would get so much money we wouldn't need to sleep on that cold and dirty horse stable anymore! Booze... that's right, alcohol. I'll spend all of the excess money to procure the finest wine appropriate of my stature as the Goddess and indulges myself in endless parties and festivals...!"

Idiot! This former G-something-or-another is an utter idiot who wastes money like water! Hm? Now that I think about it, didn't she said that all of her stats have been maxed out (since she's apparently a Goddess) and couldn't be raised anymore? Wouldn't that mean that her intelligence stat couldn't be increased and would stay the same forever?

An eternal dumbass.

Wow, I'm starting to feel sorry for her. Alright, I'll try to treat her better from now on…

"…? What's with that unnatural look of pity on your face, Kazuma?" The blue haired Aqua asked with a curious look.

"It's nothing. You don't have to worry about anything anymore." I patted her shoulder several times.

"I don't quite get it, but stop looking at me like I'm some hopeless worthless object! A hikiNEET like you don't have the right to pity others. Rather, you should be ashamed of yourself you worthless bum!"

"Why you-!" After pushing the former G-ness-something's delicate body down and struggling against her on the frosty ground for some time, I emerged victorious and made her apologize to all the NEETs and hikikomoris she had insulted (albeit reluctantly and somewhat forced).

Ah, if you're wondering about Darkness, she seems to be enjoying herself from the fact that we haven't been paying any attention to her at all since we arrived here. Just look at her beet red blushing face and the way she pants heavily while muttering, "S-Such intense ignorance play...!"

Yeah, let's just leave her alone. She's happier that way anyway.

Suddenly, Aqua stood up and gained some distance from me. Don't think that you can escape-...

As I was about to chase after her, my Sense Enemy skill suddenly went off which is strange considering that all of the nearby snow fairies had been exterminated.

Soundlessly, a large form shadowed over me.

Turning my neck and staring upwards from the ground where I'm lying down on, my head was overflowed by awe.

Such a grand, mighty figure. I thought out of nowhere. But you couldn't really blame me for thinking so.

Its head is covered by pure white helmet, and the armor it wears resembles the one I've seen many times in Japanese historical dramas I watched on TV when the internet connection was lagging. Clenched within its grasps is the hilt of a dazzling katana, a weapon unfamiliar by this world's standard. This is... the existence I don't think I would ever encounter when hunting snow fairies on a certain chilly winter day.

Simply speaking, a menacing, snow white shogun.

"It's here, it's here, it's here!" Darkness (who was subjected to the ignorance play until now) chanted the sentence while swinging her sword around excitedly.

Megumin, who was acting very energetic just few seconds ago, is now lifelessly lying down while trying to conceal her breathing. Isn't she playing dead?! She is, right?!

"…Kazuma. Let me tell you why the adventurers don't take on quests in the winter." With a melodious voice befitting that of a Goddess, the immensely useless Arch-Priest of our 4 member adventurer party took a slow step back synchronizing with the snow white shogun's heavy step as it moved its feet forward.

"Jack Frost; one of the special monsters with a high bounty set by the nation. Jack Frost is the fairy of winter… Fairies don't have a material body. It manifests itself according to the unconscious descriptions and images of the people it meets. The fairy of fire would turn into a violent salamander according to 'the desire to engulf everything in flames'. The fairy of water reminds people of the young, beautiful and sensible goddess of water, so they would manifest themselves as a young girl… But the fairy of winter is a bit special alright? In the winter with dangerous monsters all around, even adventurers won't leave their homes, so few people have met the fairy of winter… That's right, except for the bunch of cheaters who were transported here from Japan."

"Wait, waiiit. So you're saying that the fairy of winter took the form of a shogun because some idiot **you** send from Japan was thinking something along the lines of, 'If it's winter, then it isn't perfect without the mighty katana wielding Jack Frost that could 1-hit-KO weak adventurers'?! Dammit, why didn't you told me that such a high-class monster would appear in the first place?!"

Shrugging my complaints with a simple wave of her hand, Aqua told me that I never asked. T-This bitch…! I shouldn't have taken that suspiciously easy-sounding job with a huge amount of rewards!

What should I do? Try to defeat it? Just looking at the sharp katana it wields with killing intent bring chill to the back of my neck. Let alone beat it, I don't think I can even survive a blow from that thing!

"Grahhh!" Along with a loud battle cry, Darkness swiftly slammed her sword at the Jack Frost, who countered with an upper slash of its drawn katana.

With a cracking sound, surprisingly, Darkness sword broke. What's with that attack power?! It could even break Darkness' sword!

"Kazuma, listen to me! Jack Frost is a merciful being! If you apologize properly, it would let us go!"

Aqua said as she knelt in the snow covered plains in a hurry.

"Prostrate! Prostrate yourself quick! Everyone throw your weapons away! Apologize! Hurry up Kazuma, apologize!"

The depraved Goddess threw away the last ounce of her pride and pressed her head against the frozen ground while motioning for the others to follow.

As I followed suit and grinded my forehead against the cold, hard ground, I realized that I'm still clutching onto my sword.

I threw the sword in my right hand away in a hurry.

I was panicking, so my head left the snowy ground—

What I saw was Jack Frost holding the sheathed blade with its left hand.

Jack Frost pushed the blade out with the thumb of its left hand, revealing a glimpse of white steel.

This was known as the 'Iai stance'.

Jack Frost's right hand which was empty swung out in an instance.

I heard a clinking sound.

That was the sound of a blade being sheathed.

As I listened to that sound, I was baffled by why my gaze which I accidentally lifted up was falling towards the snowy ground-...

* * *

A room. I am sitting in a dark, yet illuminated room. This seat I'm presently using... it gives me a very comfy feeling.

"Satou Kazuma-san." Raising my head, I come face to face with a beautiful girl long silvery hair, and bright blue eyes akin to the vast sky.

Ah, I think I figured it out. This place...

...is the afterlife.

* * *

It was severed.

I saw it clearly, and I don't think that I could ever erase that scene out of my memory even if I had someone cast memory manipulation spell on me.

It was severed and is lying on the ground a few meters away from his body.

That's right. Kazuma's head was severed by the Jack Frost.

Kazuma died.

Died.

He died.

Kazuma did.

He did.

He actually did.

Kazuma were killed right in front of my eyes. His life was cruelly taken by the monster wordlessly and yet… I couldn't do anything.

I abruptly learned of the how significant, and weightless a life in this world is. Many people die every day, be it your friends, family, lover or complete strangers. Life isn't cheap, but they are unexpectedly fleeting. Like an extravagant ship sailing on the sea. It might be expensive, but it doesn't mean that it couldn't sink.

I was supposed to be the number one magician of the Crimson Mazoku clan. Defeating a boss-class monster or two shouldn't be all that much trouble for me, I remember boasting cockily at Kazuma just yesterday and yet… what use does that pointless pride of mine has?

The answer is **none**.

This is all my fault. If only I hadn't casted that explosion magic on those snow fairies just now. If only I learned advanced magic that could be used multiple times instead of the unreasonably bloated explosion magic. If only I listened to Kazuma instead of being stubborn and learnt more useful spells, then the situation might not turn out like this.

But it is useless. Futile. There is no purpose to this silly monologue. Can you guess why? Because Kazuma is already dead, of course. I can't turn back time no matter how much I wished I could.

"People die when they are killed." I remembered my neighbor back at the Crimson Mazoku village who was always saying that. I think it his name was Emiya-san… he called himself, 'The Blacksmith Hero of Unlimited Blade Works'. Leaving aside my praise for his cool and awe-inspiring name, I didn't realize how true his words were until I saw it with my own eyes. How naïve of me.

I may not be able to save Kazuma. I may not be able to cast another Explosion. And there's no way that I could defeat the Jack Frost.

But…

...With tears running down my face, even without enough mana to stand on my own two feet, I forced my hand forward and reached for my staff.

* * *

"This is... the afterlife, is it not?" I asked silently. Seeing the Goddess (I presume?) in front of me nods, I'm suddenly filled with an indescribable emotion. Is this what they call melancholy?

"Satou-san, you've lived through such a harsh live. I've been watching you from this room for quite some time, and compared to others that have been sent to that world, your life are the most miserable." Well, with those girls messing around and making troubles for me, of course it would be.

"...Say, I already died once. Now I've died twice. What are going to happen to me?" I stared at the graceful figure of the silver haired Goddess with... hope? No, that can't be. There's no way that I want her to say that I can be revived back into that world-...

"According to the Heaven's law, people who had already reincarnated once cannot be brought back to the world they're transferred into once they've died. This law applies without exception to everyone, including Satou-san unfortunately."

"Ahhh. I see. That's a relief then. I don't know about others, but there's no way that I'd go back to that world. Every day is like hell, suffering just to get a few hundred Eris to eat and pay the rent of that dirty stable filled with horse apples. Fighting monsters are extremely had due to me bringing that good for nothing Goddess Aqua instead of asking for a cheat item like a rail gun with infinite ammo or the holy sword Excalibur. She attracts undead just by being around, and despite being an Arch-Priest, I've never actually been healed by her! Not. Even. Once. Seriously, why do I have to clean up after your mess every day?! That useless good for nothing alcoholic and party goers should just scram! My other party mates are mostly useless too. That Darkness, or should I call her Eroness! Despite being a Crusader, she can't even hit a stationary log right in front of her eyes! She's clumsy, and a masochist to boot! The only redeeming quality about the girl is her slutty body! Don't make me talk about that loli chuunibyou! Despite being an Arch-Wizard, the only spell she could cast is explosion! Explosion, explosion, explosion... would you thought about the one who would have to carry you back because you can't move after casting it for once?! Sure, it's destructive enough to defeat a boss-monster, but what's the use if you don't even have enough mana to cast it twice?! Also, did I mention that I have to put extra effort in running from monsters compared to the other two useless member of the party since I have to carry extra baggage?! Argh, this is so frustrating!"

The Goddess who have been silently listening to me complain gradually closed the distance between us and...

...wiped the tears that apparently have been flowing out of my eyes without me noticing at all.

"W-Why am I... crying?"

* * *

Dustiness fon Lalatina, the one and only daughter of the high and noble Dustiness family. Or rather, the Crusader Darkness as I am known by my adventurer party mates. I-It's not like I hide my true name because I'm bothered by people calling me by my name L-Lalatina and calling it c-cute or anything like that, okay?! People just acts differently when they found out that I am of noble blood, is all.

Unlike other noble daughters, I am granted with an unnaturally high amount of freedom by my father, which leads to my desire to become an adventurer and the development of my... somewhat peculiar fetishes.

I have a strong class, which is Crusader. However, I found it difficult to aim or hit at my enemies and most adventurers shunned me and gave me the title, 'Durable Woman with Zero Accuracy'.

Nevertheless, I keep on trying and eventually found an adventurer party that was willing to accept me. For the first time in my life, I managed to make multiple friends in a row. There's the irresponsible and mischievous Aqua, the down-to-Earth Megumin and finally that pervert Scumzuma. Despite not contributing much in the fights (though I'm too embarrassed to admit it myself) I was happy to stand in front of everyone and tank the attacks of monsters… because it feels really good.

That said, a memory of a certain day inside the Church of Eris, flashed in my mind.

Back then, I was just a rookie adventurer who just registered, but then found out that I met the requirements to choose the class Crusader. Thus, I was brought to a church where I frequently visit and was bestowed the title of Crusader.

At that moment, I thanked the Goddess of Fortune Eris and swore an oath:

"For as long as I live, I shall devote myself to protect the innocent and powerless and most importantly, the people dear to me."

...That oath, why did I promise something that I couldn't keep? Don't bother with the innocent and the powerless, I can't even protect Kazuma who is right in front of me. What a useless thing, these hands of mine.

These hands that couldn't even hold the thing I thought as dear properly... wouldn't it be better if they were cut off and thrown away?

...No, not yet. There is still something I must done using these filthy hands first.

I threw the hilt of my broken sword away and hastily picked up the sword Kazuma threw before he was beheaded.

Then I charged at the Jack Frost.

* * *

"You actually liked the adventures you've experienced with together with those girls, didn't you?" The clear words coming out of the Goddess' thin and sensual lips struck my heart like needles. She's right... despite me complaining about my life as an adventurer short moments ago, I don't actually think that the live I've experienced so far is bad.

Actually, it's... pretty fun.

I want to experience more adventures with my adventurer party, raise my level, collect more money, go to raid a dungeon... wait, wouldn't it be bad if Megumin casted Explosion and the dungeon collapsed? I actually let out a chuckle out of my mouth while imagining such stupidity, before the feeling flowed away quietly and my mind is filled with deep sadness.

"Since I can't go back to that world, where would I be sent to now? Please don't tell me that I'd simply disappear."

"No, no. You won't disappear. Rather, you should be reincarnated back to Japan as the person you wish... be it a baby in a wealthy and harmonious family or as Satou Kazuma back at your old family. You could receive your most desired life, and Heaven would grant it as long as it's not too excessive." Hearing that, I feel a bit relieved. At least, the reincarnated me won't be going through as much trouble as the current me.

Hmm, I wonder about that too excessive part. Like being the dictator (lol) of a nation filled only with women or something like that? Oh well.

Well then, it's about time. I raised myself up from my seat and approached the Goddess.

* * *

Aqua, the Goddess of Water. The object of worship of the Axis cult. One day, a black haired man appeared inside the Goddess' room. He seems to be lost and have died with a silly cause; shock from thinking that he was hit by a truck. I laughed at him.

I played him for a fool, but somehow… he managed to bring me, a Goddess, with him to a fantasy world.

I panicked, not sure what to do since I couldn't go back to Heaven before defeating the Demon King. A lot of things happened plus we gained companions on the way and also encountered troubles, but I think it all worked up in the end.

That is, until that stupid Kazuma got his empty head slashed off by the Jack Frost. Seriously, you're such a pain.

"Sigh, it couldn't be helped. I'll revive him later after it left…you better be grateful to have such a useful Goddess with you, hikiNEET Kazuma. Hey, Darkness, what are you doing…? Stop! Why are you running towards the Jack Frost?! Listen, I can revive Kazuma with magic-... I said hold on! Hey, listen to me for once!"

Darkness ignored my words, probably deaf to reason because of rage and charged straight at Jack Frost and gave a heavy thrust using Kazuma's sword. The sword was reflected easily and immediately break, and Darkness herself were thrown a few meters away by the blow but at that small chance...

"Ex... plo... sion...!" Megumin, who should be out of mana, is on her knees and chanted the explosion spell.

I could feel something being channeled into her magic staff, and I'm pretty sure that it's not mana.

No no no, that's definitely not mana... i-it's her life force!

"Megumin, no-!"

With the most dazzling explosion I've ever seen in my entire life, the petite girl of the Crimson Mazoku clan burned her life away as fuel in order to melt the Jack Frost, the snow, the earth, I dare to say that it even tried to melt winter itself.

It was such a brilliant sight, but nothing lasts forever. Even the most beautiful spark, will slowly, slowly... fade away.

The light gradually dimmed away. No sound could be heard in the desolate plains. As silence took residence once more, I stared at the crater where the Jack Frost and Kazuma's corpse used to be.

I found nothing but ashes. I could revive Kazuma if there were at least his corpse, but if his body was incinerated...

My eyes shifted to Darkness, who seemed to be fine besides some minor burns and glanced at the last person I have to check.

Megumin...

Usually, when someone died out of unnatural causes like monster or bandit attacks, they could be revived if their body is intact and not too much time have passed. But burning your life force is similar to quickening your aging.

Simply said, Megumin quickened her aging by fueling her life force to the point of being an old granny… no, she used all of it out and her body have already crumbled into dust. I am unable to revive her because of that.

Why is this happening I wonder. If only they listened to me more...

Kazuma...

How am I supposed to go back to Heaven now...

* * *

"I will open the gate back to Japan now. Just think of your most desired wish when crossing the door, and Heaven shall grant it." I nodded at her words, and paused for a short moment.

"Now that I think about it, I never asked for your name." The Goddess laughed wryly and scratched her right cheek then answered with a smile.

"It's Eris." Seeing her scratching her right cheek sheepishly like that, my heart just skipped a beat.

"E-Eris-san, huh. I see. Thank you for sending me off." I-I even stuttered while calling her name. Is this the so-called 'love-at-first-sight'?! That can't be, right? I'm not that kind of cheap guy who would get his heart won over by a woman who showed some signs of affection to him… now that I think about it, she actually sympathize with my death and miserable life. No one have ever cared about me so much before, she's a real Goddess… unlike that fake one in my party.

"No no, it's simply my job. Farewell, Satou-san." She waved her right hand gently at me and uttered softly.

I wonder what's happening on the other side… are they fine? They didn't get wiped out by the winter shogun, did they? I hope not. Wait, why am I worrying about those girls?

"…" I decided to stop thinking about that and faced Eris-san once more. Seeing her lovely smile calmed my mind down.

"Please lead a happy and peaceful life." I was touched by her words. I hope I can meet her again, but that's impossible from the look of it. I'm about to be reincarnated after all.

"Thank you."

I wish to live in a rich family. I want three sisters. The first one nice and gentle, the other cool and collected, the last one being a cute imouto. I want to have a pretty osananajimi who would wake me up in the morning, a petite kouhai and an erotic teacher. I don't know if this is getting too excessive or not, but I also wish for two hot step-mothers-!

As I wished strongly and was about to cross the gate, at that crucial moment, a shrill voice I've gotten used to hearing resounded from behind me.

"Kazuma! Where is this? Hey, where do you think you're going?!" I heard a series of hasty footsteps and felt something small pushing me from behind. My body tilted forward and as I passed through to the other side, I forgot about the wish I had just now. Instead, I thought of this:

"Uwah, now that I think about it, I've always wanted a loli girlfriend-..."


	2. A (Wrong) Wish Come True!

**Author's Note: You were expecting an Author's Note, but it was me, Dio!**

 **...Just kidding. Hi again, I'm back with the second chapter of Radiant Crimson. In the this chapter (the last one too, actually) the characters feel kind of OOC, so maybe I should rewatch the anime or reread the LN. Won't be doing it anytime soon, unfortunately.**

 **Aaaaanyway, enjoy the chapter~!**

 **EXTRA:**

 **Kawaii Imouto: Cute little sister.**

 **Onee-san: Older sister (either biological or self-proclaimed).**

 **Aniki: Big bro.**

 **Osananajimi: Childhood friend.**

 **Kouhai: Underclassmen.**

 **Senpai:** **Someone who will never notice you.**

 **Sensei: Teacher, or people with large knowledge in their field of study (Doctor, Mangaka, et cetera).**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I don't own KonoSuba or its characters.** **Natsume Akatsuki does.**

* * *

"Neh, Kazuma! Kazumaaa!" Yes, I'm Kazuma.

"Let me cast explosion already!" Megumin cried out in a shrill voice, as if I couldn't hear her words fine enough from this distance.

"No way." That pair of words flowed out of my mouth smoothly.

"My demonic left eye that once belongs to a certain crimson dragon, now sealed behind this eyepatch, is tingling...! I-I can't hold it any longer...! Explosio-!" I hastily stuffed her mouth chock full with rice.

"What are you thinking, moron?! You want to blow the house up?!"

"B-But, I'll die if I don't cast explosion once a day." I rolled my eyes, wanting to retort that we'd die anyway if the house blows up when we're inside of it but decided not to. Seriously, this titless girl. Can't she be patient until we can find a place to cast it? We can't just use magic in public, y'know. Especially not that extremely destructive explosion spell.

In fact, I don't think that we can cast the spell _anywhere_ , since we can't conceal the explosion which would raise a huge commotion.

"Megumin, let me be honest with you. Just abandon the idea of using magic in this world." I told her with a serious face.

"What are you saying, Kazuma?! How am I supposed to hunt monsters then?!" She protested while standing up from her seat. Hey, that's bad manners.

I swallowed a piece of beef and some rice then replied her question flatly.

"There aren't any."

"Come again?" She flashed a dubious expression at me, which I countered with the simple truth of this world; "There's no monster in Japan. No magic, no skills. And weapons are banned. It's a perfectly peaceful country."

"Unconceivable." Disbelief was apparent in her voice.

"Hey now, imagine how I felt back when I was transferred over to your world. I don't expect to harvest living cabbages that fly down from the sky." I smiled wryly while reminiscing about that certain occasion.

"Then, how are we supposed to procure food?" Questioned Megumin once again.

"We would need to buy them, obviously."

"What about money? If there's no monster, how are we supposed to gain money?"

"Since this is a peaceful country, we don't have to worry about monsters wreaking havoc everywhere and so adventurers don't exist. Instead, there's a variety of normal jobs one could find and do. Let's see... to put it in the term you could understand, the guild in this world is called Hello Work **[1]** and they provide jobs to the unemployed."

"I see. That's rather convenient." She nodded her head up and down as she came upon some kind of (mis?)understanding about Japan from my vague explanation. Oh well, she'll learn how it really works eventually.

"Well, we underaged aren't supposed to work in the first place."

"What kind of nonsense are you spouting? If we don't work, then how are we supposed to gain money to eat and sleep?"

"This isn't Axel. We have laws that ban underaged children to work. In turn, our parents are supposed to provide us with our everyday needs, be it clothes, bedding, food or education."

"Is... that so?" Megumin finds it hard to accept the common sense of this world, and ended up tilting her head in confusion.

"Yes. Anyway, back to the topic of explosions, it's no good. I don't want to see you casting explosion without me looking and get kidnapped by the government then treated as human test subject."

"Human test subject?! S-So cool... Kazuma's country have good tastes. Just imagine of how they are going to do experiments on my body and turns me into half-chimera! I've always wanted to grow wings."

"I hope they'd grow your boobs too when they're at it." Ignoring Megumin's intensely furious glare, I took a sip of my (instant) green tea.

Hm? Now that I think about it, could we even use magic and skills from that world? Aren't we just having a debate about something that might not even be possible?

Let's check. I aimed my right hand towards Megumin and chanted a word; "Steal."

A bright, dazzling light flashed and in the next moment, something appeared in my hand.

"Black-lace panties? Isn't this the same as the last one? Megumin sure like those kind of mature ones, nee~?" Looks like I could still use the skills I got from the other world. Megumin stared at me wide eyed for a second, then bashfully lowered her head down.

"A-Ano... please give it back." With her right palm pointed at my direction, she said with her face red from shame. I answered instantly:

"I don't wanna. Rather, since I used 'the skill Steal' to obtain this precious treasure, this is rightfully mine is it not?"

"That doesn't make sense at all!" I shrugged Megumin protest on my flawed logic off and continued.

"To obtain, something of equal value must be lost." I quoted a cool line from a certain anime to arouse the chuunibyou nature of Crimson Mazoku clan sleeping inside of her, in order to make it easier to manipulate her into doing what I want.

"Kazuma, I don't know where that magnificent quote comes from and I also doubt that you lost something in exchange of my panties, but something inside me convinces me that what you are saying is right. Indeed! To get something, I must exchange it with something worth as much as the original item."

Just as planned!

"Now, Megumin the explosion mage who governs the 7 demonic dragons and sealed an angel within your left eye!"

"W-What? I govern over 7 demonic dragons and sealed an angel in my left eye? Have my power surpassed my own limit?! ...T-That's not it. Ahem. You are right! 'Tis I, the amazing Crimson Demon Megumin! State your words, mortal!"

I raised myself from my seat and do an overly dramatic pose.

"What would you exchange for this mature panties unsuited for children resting on my hand?! How about your... hat?"

Megumin responded by getting off her chair, and crossing her arms around her face.

"I cannot grant that wish, for this hat is the only thing keeping me in this mortal plane." No, I'm pretty sure it was Heaven's intangible force that allowed you to stay in Japan. Whatever.

"I desire your eyepatch!" I pointed at her face and shouted loudly.

"N-No! Anything but this! If you take it off, the crimson dragon... or angel sealed within would escape and destroy this beloved world of ours!"

You know, these chuuni acts are starting to tire me out so let's get over to the most important point.

"If that's so, then give me your bra!"

Her face turned expressionless, after which she started laughing emptily and said in a hollow voice. "Hahaha... sorry to disappoint you, but I don't wear any. The last time I went to the clothier and asked for one, the owner eyed my chest and said softly, _'I'm sorry, but I don't have anything that small. Well, if you insist on getting one, how about buying these breast pads? They'll fit nicely.'_ "

...Ouch, that must have hurt her pride quite a bit. Having lost the mood to play around anymore, I apologetically handed the piece of underwear back and Megumin slowly left the room, still laughing emptily.

Well, leaving all that aside for now, I have returned back to Japan.

* * *

Warm sunlight caressed my face. I blinked, shut my eyelids and blinked again. And finally opened my eyes fully.

A strangely familiar ceiling. Posters of various sizes, depicting half-naked Touhou characters on the wall and a shelf filled with action figures of many anime and RPG characters entered my sight.

After taking a few seconds to let those information soak into my brain, I shouted in confusion.

"Wait, isn't this my room?!" That's right, by my room I don't mean that dirty stable I shared with Aqua in Axel, but my room back in Japan.

This doesn't make sense. Why am I here? I should be hunting snow fairies with... everyone...

...Oh. I remember now.

I died.

But that still doesn't explain anything! After I died, didn't I meet Eris-san who said that I would be reincarnated according to my wishes? And I certainly didn't wish to come back here. Where's my mansion filled by beautiful blonde maids? Where's my 2 older sisters and kawaii imouto? My beautiful osananajimi? Also the petite kouhai and hot teacher? Most importantly the immoral step-mothers?! Where are they?!

My thought process was halted by the sudden muffled gibberish coming from beside me. I tilted my head to the side and caught a glimpse of... panties.

Wait, what. I closed my eyes and went into a state of deep thought once more. A short moment ago, I heard some kind of goofy mutterings from my side, then glanced. And I see panties. Which means that a female is sleeping besides me.

...What the hell?! I looked at my side once again and surely, a girl is lying prone on the bed. Sleeping defencelessly with some drool oozing out of her mouth. But the thing that shocked me the most is not the fact that a little girl is sleeping next to me, no, it was her face. Smiling ocassionally in her sleep, was undoubtedly the face of the only Arch-Wizard in my party.

That's right, it's Megumin.

What is she doing here? Shouldn't she be fighting Jack Frost in the other world-...?

That's when it came to me. The simple, yet cruel fate of this girl. Why else would she be here, if not for the fact that she died fighting that snow white shogun?

Ahhh. I see.

...

I raised myself from bed and headed towards the only passage connecting my room with the hallway. My hand held the doorknob for a short while, then turned it around, effectively opening the door. I checked the nearby rooms, and headed downstairs into the dining room. This is definitely my house. My parents seem to be out working, and my little brother's probably at school. He's not a failure of a human being like me after all, hahaha.

Damn, I want to punch that kid.

Anyway, I opened the fridge and took out some frozen beef and heated them in the microwave. It might not be the healthiest of food, but at least it's filling. While waiting for it to heat, I went back to the room and found Megumin, who has woken up from her sleep, staring at my room in wonder.

"Yo." I greeted her from the doorway. Her shoulders jumped in surprise, and she peeked at my direction then shouted in a ear-piercing voice.

"Kazuma?!" Hai, hai, kazuma desu.

"Why are you here, no more like, _where_ is here?" I took a seat at the edge of my bed and replied. "This is Japan, specifically my house."

The dark brown haired girl striked a thinking pose, then turned her head to me again.

"Did you kidnap me?"

"I'm not a kidnapper!"

"Then could you please explain why I was sleeping on your bed? Don't tell me... I've been defiled?!"

"Don't spout nonsense! Listen, Megumin. I don't accept anyone that's not 2 years my junior. That means that I won't lust over you who's 13 years old!" What kind of nonsense am I spouting...

"Oh? But my birthday is next month." She responded 'innocently'.

"..."

"..."

I averted my gaze away.

"A-Anyway, I didn't kidnap you."

"Hee, what with that pause just now?" Asked Megumin with a mischievous grin.

"Shut up." The young girl laughed for a while, and when she stopped, she asked a question to no one in particular. "I died, didn't I?"

Finding the situation awkward, I pondered on what to do in this kind of situation, and decided to comfort Megumin by hugging her. However, she motioned me to stop with her hand before I can.

"It's okay, I'm fine Kazuma. I may be dead, but at least Aqua and Darkness are safe." Finding her statement to be intriguing and seeing that she is calm enough to converse with, I forwarded a question.

"You killed Jack Frost, then?"

"I blowed it up good." She gave me a thumbs-up while proudly thrusting her non-existent chest forward. On the spur of the moment, I decided to pat her head gently. I thought that she'd resist, but she let my hand do as it pleases. While I could say that rubbing her hair is quite a pleasant experience, the state of soundlessness in this room still make me uncomfortable. So I tried to strike a conversation once more.

"They won't be able to do anything without the two of us though."

"I guess that's true. Without I, this great Megumin covering for their back with magic, how are they going to survive hunting monsters?"

"Please remind me of one time when you covered for our back with magic." Monotonous as they be, those words flew out of my lips like bullets.

"Uh..." Megumin closed her eyes and knitted her eyebrows, searching in her memory if such a situation have ever occured.

"..." Huh.

"Ng..." I'm waiting.

"There's none."

"Don't answer in my stead!" Megumin barked at me.

"Yes, yes."

Suddenly, her stomach grumbled which reminded me of the frozen beef I'm heating. It should be done by now.

"Megumin, you're hungry right? Let's eat breakfast."

"Sure..."

We went downstairs. Megumin sat at the dining table while I placed bowls of rice and beef on top of it.

After saying itadakimasu, we began eating and conversing, which eventually leads to the situation mentioned earlier.

* * *

After putting her underwear back on, Megumin reentered the dining room. I acted as if nothing has ever happened and we ate in peace and tranquility. When we finished eating, we offered our thanks again by muttering gochisousama deshita. I washed the dishes on the sink alone because Megumin escaped before I could force her to do it for me.

My hand mechanically rubbed the plates clean until I heard a scream coming from upstairs.

"Megumin?!" I quickly dropped the plate I'm currently clutching onto the sink and ran toward the stairs in a hurry. My feet guided me to my parents' room, and when I opened the door...

"K-Kazuma! There's someone inside this box! What kind of sorcery is this, don't tell me... lost magic?!" And found her sticking her face excitedly to the TV's screen.

I chopped the back of her neck out of reflex, causing Megumin to lose consciousness and collapse onto the floor.

...Eh?

"It worked." I thought to myself. Ah, this is a pain. I got no one to blame but myself, though. I crouched down, picked Megumin's body up. I carried her on my back and headed downstairs. This is kind of nostalgic, those words popped up on my mind. Indeed, I usually carried her on my back after she exhausted herself casting explosion, didn't I? Losing myself in nostalgia, I brought her to the living room and placed her body on the sofa. For your information, you can see the living room directly from the entrance of the house so if someone opened the front door now, they would see me holding this girl's petite body on top of the sofa and obviously get misunderstandings. Fortunately, such a generic and cliched developement wouldn't hap-...

"I'm home." ...-pen.

Hearing a voice I've not heard in a long time, my vision naturally turned towards the source. That is, my little brother, who is staring at me from the doorway with his mouth forming a large 'O'.

"...Welcome home." I replied stiffly.

"...Aniki, who did you kidnap?"

* * *

 **[1] Hello Work:** **Japanese government's Employment Service Center, which manages unemployment insurance benefits for both Japanese and foreign unemployed workers, and which also provides job-matching programs to the unemployed.**

 **TL;DR: Basically a place to get jobs.** **NEET's best friend.**


	3. Mouthwash, Please!

**Author Note: Okay. I have no excuse. I just can't write until now. So sorry.**

 **OtakuOne: Here's your long-awaited chapter, kouhai~.**

 **Mr. Snarker** **: I like your avatar. (=w=)**

 **Aeretr: I don't think that the Winter Shogun scene's that good, but if you enjoy it then that's good.**

 **Guest #1: I'm continuing~. Maybe.**

 **Anonimus: They'll appear in flashbacks~. Maybe.**

 **FrodoFighter: It's too early for that. Let's start with some fireworks first. (-3-)**

 **Jashl Xxify: I'm glad you think so.**

 **Guest #2: Mai waifu, your waifu. Everyone's waifu.**

 **animerexus: I hope I do. Thanks.**

 **Impassive Purple: How about Kazuma X Megumin X Eris? \\('-')/**

 **ArmantusCumPinnae: Here's the 'next one' you're looking forward to.**

 **Ren: I don't think that I could make this as long as you wanted it to be, but I'll try at least.**

 **Carrot: I like carrot.**

 **Anyway, enough with that. Please enjoy the chapter~!**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I _don't_ own KonoSuba. I _definitely_ don't. Seriously, _no_. I _swear_.**

* * *

"Who did you kidnap?"

"What are you saying, lil' bro? Something's wrong with your head? I didn't kidnap anyone."

"Then could you please explain why that cute grade school kid is lying on the couch alone and breathing the same air as you?"

Hey, Megumin, he mistook you for an elementary schooler. So the fact that you're a loli is universal, huh... wait, what's that part about breathing the same air as me? Is something wrong with being in the same room with me?! _'Don't get inside the same room with a hikiNEET, you'll catch a disease'_ is that what you're implying?! _'Don't let your children catch a hikiNEET! It's incurable!'_ is what you're thinking, right?! So hikiNEET is now an infectious disease and incurable to boot?! Shit, I have to calm down. Let's count Eris-san... one Eris-san, two Eris-san, three Eris-san... whoa, there's three Eris-sans... foursome...

"That's a good question, but let me ask you a better question. Why are you home early? Did you skip slacker?"

"' _Skip_ '? ' _Slacker_ '? Aniki, I believe there is this thing called **self-reflection**. You should look it up, and realize just how small your difference is from trash."

"What do you mean by trash? Do you know that in the lion hierarchy, the alpha male only sleep and slacks around without doing anything? The boss is surrounded by females while the thugs don't get any affection despite working their asses out. Did you understand what this implies? The weak have to fend for themselves, but the strong doesn't have to do shit! We just lie around every day, wasting hours like sloth! If you work, then you lose. That's right! You're all losers! Work, work and gain more money for me to waste on online games and dating sims!"

"Who are you, acting all high and mighty?! Aren't you just a freeloader taking precious space that could be used for better purposes? A storage for example."

"My room is not for storing useless stuff to be left alone and dust."

"This useless thing is talking about how its room is not used for storing useless thing. God, the irony."

"Does it matter? In the end, you still skip. That puts you in the same level as me."

"Please don't put me in the same level as you... _fuyukai desu!_ **(Translation: It's unpleasant!)** You're at the lowest and worst possible point for a trash. No, I believe you're even _worse_ than trash. Also, for your information, I didn't skip. Highschooler have midterm tests for the week, but I guess that doesn't apply to you does it, o' great alpha male HikiNEETzuma-sama?"

As I was about to point out that he has an **incredible** naming sense, a quiet murmur broke our little conversation as we brothers both glanced at the sofa.

"Too loud..."

All noise ceases inside the room following that statement until we resumed our dialogue, albeit in a hushed tone now.

"Okay, listen here. I didn't kidnap her."

"You don't expect me to believe you just like that, would you?"

"No, but I could prove it once she wakes up."

"Then just wake her up..."

"I would've done that ages ago if you had listened to me a moment there."

"Ugh, whatever. Then, how should we do this?" Instead of answering his question, I went toward the kitchen ignoring my brother's suspicious gaze and come back with a bucket of cold water. My brother seems to get what I'm trying to do, but I mercilessly poured the bucket's content to a certain chuunibyou's face before he could even try to stop me.

"Fuh?!" With a strange sound, Megumin jolted herself up from her lying spot. The crimson eyed girl turned her gaze wildly all over the room until she stopped after spotting me holding an empty metal bucket, then she pounced at me like a tiger and tried to choke me to death.

"Kazuma, it was you wasn't it?! What's that for?!"

"Oi! Hold your horses! I need oxygen...! Sorry Megumin sorr-...! Ohok-...!"

"Horses?! What horses?! I can't see anything through this veil of water covering my face!"

"I pretty sure you ca-...! I said I'm sorr-...! Seriously I need to breath-..."

"Why did you por water on me?!"

"To wake you up obviousl-...! Gasph-...!"

"Who's that suspicious guy watching us from the corner over there?!"

"He's no one importan-...! Heeok-...!"

"Did you touch me while I'm unconscious?!"

"N-..."

"...Hm? Kazuma, what's wrong? Your face is blue."

"..."

But nobody answered.

* * *

Hello everyone, this is your favorite piece of hikiNEET, Kazuma-san! Now, if you're guessing what happened to me, well, let's keep this simple. **I just died for the third time.** Man, after dying this much, my heart feels kind of numb. So empty. My only comfort in this bleak afterlife surrounded by the void would be the sight of Eris-san, who've been staring at me with a shocked expression for a while now.

"Uh... hello. How are you, Eris-san?" I called out to her normally.

"W-What's with that unconcerned greeting?! No, more like, Kazuma-san! Why are you here?!"

"How do I say it, I think I died again."

"...Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Eris-san took a moment to absorb the fact into her mind then placed her hand on her right cheek, where a scar could clearly be seen there. **[1]**

She sighed with her eyebrows knitted, then mumbled quietly to herself. "What to do...? I won't be able to return Kazuma-san back to Japan, but I couldn't send him back to the fantasy world either." As the silver haired Goddess delved deeper into her thoughts, she began to scratch her cheek frantically. Huh, so Eris-san had a habit of scratching her right cheek while worrying about others. Now I know where that scar comes from.

"Umm... the only place left would be Heaven, but I don't think that would be a good idea. Heaven is filled by old men and ladies, so it would be too pitiful for Kazuma-san to be there. Ah, there are tsundere angels, though." T-Tsundere angels? That doesn't sound too bad. But, to be surrounded by old women's saggy ti-... no, let's not go there. My virgin mind can't handle the image.

After another minute or so of scratching and thinking, Eris-san moved her hand upwards...

...Then slashed a huge 'tear' in the space right in front of her. The Goddess slowly tilted her body forward and took a quick peek inside, then called out to you excitedly.

"Kazuma-san! Someone at the other side is trying to save you!"

"Eh, really?! Wait, didn't I die already?"

"No, from the look of it, your soul simply slipped out of your body. Your body is still alive (although barely) and somebody is currently giving you CPR."

C-CPR? As in, mouth-to-mouth? W-Who? Don't tell me... Megumin?! My body in Japan is getting a mouth-to-mouth CPR by Megumin?! Without much thought, I rushed to Eris-san side and stared at her beautiful fac-... I mean the tear in space. I imagined how Megumin's lips must've felt, until my fantasies were broken by the cruel reality.

On the other side.

I am lying sprawled on the ground.

And I could see somebody breathing into my mouth while repeatedly pushing my chest down.

But that person is not Megumin.

It was my younger brother.

 **IT WAS A GUY.**

Shit, I feel like vomiting right now. I rubbed my mouth on the sleeve of my adventurer clothes violently. Hey, now that I think of it, I haven't changed my clothes ever since I got back to Japan. By the way, I could see the dark brown haired chuunibyou currently clutching my hand tightly while screaming, "Kazuma, don't go Kazuma!" in hysterics. Hey, you're the one who choked me in the first place, idiot.

A relieved sigh came from beside me and Eris-san said happily while grasping both her hands on top of her chest. "That's great for you right, Kazuma-san? Now you don't have to worry about anything anymore." Uh... actually, let alone worry, I haven't actually thought much of the situation.

As I feel some unknown force pulling me out of this realm, the Goddess flashed me a cute smile.

Damn, I can't get enough of those.

* * *

"Kazuma! Don't leave me alone! Kazuma Kazuma Kazumaaaa!"

"Shut up, you're annoying!" I raised myself up and covered her mouth with my hand.

"Mmmpph?!" Megumin struggled as she tried to shake my hand off her mouth, and managed to do so soon after.

"K-Kazuma..." She whispered silently with tears running down her face.

"Oi, you face is covered with tears and snot. No, don't wipe your face on my shirt!"

"I'm sorry... so... sorry..." My expression softened after seeing just how shaken Megumin is. I put my hand on the back of her head and patted her gently. Man, this feel awkward and out of character for me. What am I, some protagonist in a visual novel?

* * *

Meanwhile, the little brother is brushing his teeth and gargling some antiseptics.

* * *

 **[1]: Scar on the Right Cheek: Fun (and irrelevant) fact, the scar DOESN'T exist in the anime adaptation, but is drawn on the light novel. Proof:** **vignette3. wikia. nocookie konosuba/images/3/36/Eris-lightnovel. jpg**


	4. It's the Small Things That Counts!

**Author's Note: Uh, let me think of an excuse for the slow update first... yeah...**

 **[LOADS OF BULLSHIT INCOMING]**

 **I was kidnapped by aliens and was brought to their home planet. After being experimented on for 2 years, I managed to escape the research facility with the help of countless future versions of myself and a nameless zombie. With pursuers behind my back, I barely reached the alien's main control room when I was halted by a girl clad in gothic clothes and ended up fighting with the self-proclaimed OverLord of the universe. She controlled the corpse of my waifu-turned-into-terminator and I was forced to destroy her with the power I gained by many experiments done to my body. As I cried at the remains of my waifu, the gothic loli stabbed me from behind with a photon sword.**

 **Coughing blood from my mouth, I futilely reached my hand forward, trying to press the button that could change everything. That could change the uncountable timelines once and for all. The OverLord keeps on stabbing me in a sadistic state, yet I could do none but scream in pain... no, I can't even let my voice out anymore. At the border of life and death, the soul of my waifu appeared right in front of me. She told me not to give up, that there is still hope. I asked her how she can be so cruel, how she left me alone in the world, came back as a robotized corpse that I had to kill, then prevented me from finally taking my final rest. She cried at me, screaming that she never want to die and leave me either. My waifu then hugged me and whispered that I have to move on, to keep on living, because only I can save the world. Before she disappeared, she told me one last thing. That she will be waiting for me, no matter how long it takes. So I should live, live till I can meet her again someday. What a load of bullshit, I muttered to myself.**

 **With my hazy mind, I somehow reached for my pocket and took out a pendant. A soul gem containing the souls of me from thousands, no, millions of timelines. I cracked it and absorbed all of the life force contained within, practically healing and giving monstrous vitality to myself. With my body turned huge and grotesque. I swung around facing the OverLord, ignoring the pain of her photon sword slicing through my body. I put my ugly hands around her neck and began to choke her. She kept on stabbing me in an attempt to release herself free from my grasps, but I endured. I actually lost consciousness from the pain, but my hand did not bulge an inch. By the time I regained my mind, she was already dead. As I raised myself from the ground, my head was assaulted by the information from millions of my own souls I had absorbed. Painful. It's too painful. Staggering forward, I somehow reached the main console. Before my brain collapsed from the information overload, I punched the button and activated the research facility's fruit of research, the machine that will change everything; The Wishmaker. I roared with the loudest voice I could muster.**

 **"RESET!"**

 **...And when I woke up, I found myself typing on my laptop and realized that I had spend 30 minutes writing this dumb short story. Damn.**

 **[END OF BULLSHIT]**

 **Anyway, if you managed to endure reading this far (you know you don't), I can't promise when the next chapter will be posted ( _if_ it does get posted) so yeah. Wouldn't it be great if someone would just pick this story up and write it for me...**

 **I'll answer your reviews at the end of the chapter since this segment is already bloated as it is.**

 **Last but not least, enjoy the chapter~.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I** **really** **don't own KonoSuba. Honest.**

* * *

The entire Satou family plus Megumin are currently sitting on the living room sofas. This situation might be too sudden and confusing to understand, so I'll backtrack a bit for your (whoever you are) convenience.

As you all already know, I was choked by Megumin and almost died, but was saved by my little brother's CPR. We took some time to cool down our head and finally managed to hold a calm conversation for once. After 30 minutes of feeding my little brother with some believable lies, we managed to convince him that Megumin is one of my net-friend from 4chan and that she's staying over for a while. My story is flawed and full of holes, so I promised to explain more details to him when Otou-san and Okaa-san return back home from their work.

Which leads to the current situation. Two sofas facing each other, separated only by a tiny table in between. On one side, sat me, Megumin and also my lil' bro. And on the other side, looking at us like a pair of bishamonten statues, are my parents.

Their cold stares are sent toward my way and are urging me to explain why there's an extra head in the house.

"...This is KuriGohan, I mean, Megumin-san. She is a net-friend of mine who I met on a forum, that is, a place where you can discuss things with other people on the internet. We first talked on a random thread while discussing some anime. At that time, I know her not as Megumin-san, but 'KuriGohan' which is the name she used on the forum. We talked a lot got along really well, and even meet in real life a few time. My impression of her isn't bad, she doesn't seem to be a bad person even in real life. So when she created a thread about how her apartment was burned to the ground, I decided to offer her a temporary place to live in since we do have a vacant room. Of course, I know the risk of her actually being a dangerous person and all, but the incident are in fact real and from the way she responded to my posts she seems to be genuinely shaken and so I did what I did. I went to Akiba and picked her up..."

My parents still eyed me skeptically until I handed the mic over to Megumin and let her convince them herself.

"Kazuma-san has been calling me by my net-name which is okay for me, but I'll be more comfortable if you could call me by my real name. Ah, my bad, he might have said my actual name a few times but I myself haven't really said it, have I? I'll begin my introduction then, if you don't mind. My first name is Megumi, but everyone around me insist on calling me Megumin. Um, I don't have any last name. To be honest, I was an abandoned child. I spend most of my childhood at the orphanage until it was unfortunately closed because lack of funds. After that, well, I somehow managed to get by somehow by doing odd jobs. I couldn't go to school, since I need to work to eat and pay the apartment rent. I was in a really big mess when the apartment exploded, but thank God Kazuma-san contacted me and offered a place to stay... if not for him, I would've committed... no, let's not go there. Sorry for spoiling the mood with that old sad story. So, that's all I could say about myself. Anyway, I am extremely grateful. Also, about the price of renting a room-," before she could continue with her sentence, my mother quickly raised herself from her sitting position and tightly embraced Megumin's petite frame with tears and snot sliding down her face.

"H-Hic... to think that you carried such burden within your tiny body, I couldn't even imagine how hard it must've been. I mean, you're so thin! Too thin for other teenagers your age... forget about rent money! You can stay here as long as you like, Megumin-chan! We might not look like it, but we are actually quite wealthy, so we'll cover the expenses for your education. That's right, you don't have to worry about food and housing from now on...!"

What.

They believe the whole bullshit? And Megumin was accepted as a freeloader into the house, just like that? What's up with this strangely convenient resolution?! It's unnatural and completely unbelievable! Are we following some kind of script from a RomCom?! ' _Despite being a complete stranger and penniless to boot, we accepted [put heroine name here] with open hands and we began living together under one roof. And thus, begin my pink-cherry-colored slice-of-life comedy light novel series,_ ' is that it?! We are actually characters inside a light novel and all of our actions are being controlled by the writer, even the things I'm thinking right now?!

That, or maybe my parents are just that gullible. I mean, who am I kidding? The idea of us being in a light novel is ridiculous and plain stupid. I'm alive, breathing, talking, have a mind of my own and are not being controlld by anyone right? I'm curious though, where did Megumin learn to act like that? Did she ask Aqua to teach her some tricks on how to decieve someone? No one noticed my internal ramblings and they continued with whatever they're doing before. Also, Megumin is acting all humble and trying to refuse Mother's offer to let her go to school.

"T-To pay for my tuition, that's a bit too much-," Okaa-san shook her head strongly at Megumin's words.

"Nonsense! We are putting the money originally intended for Kazuma's education to good use. He's never going to go to college after all." You're dismissing my future, just like that?! Don't I have a say in this?!

And therefore, the Satou household gained another occupant.

* * *

Three days have passed since then, and Megumin has integrated herself well into the family. I was confused by how Megumin could speak fluent Japanese despite coming from another world but then I remembered that 'brain overload' thing the Gods did at me while I was first transported to Axel. You know about it, didn't you? Aqua explained it in the first episode. Hmm, you forgot? How about a flashback then?

...

 _I died, went to the afterlife and then was offered a chance to be reincarnated. Bewildered by the absurdity of this situation, I decided to ask the self-proclaimed Goddess some questions._

 _"Um, I want to ask something. Will I be able to speak this world's language?"_

 _The blue-haired young lady opened her eyes wide in surprise as if conveying, 'this loser who died because of shock has enough brain capacity to think of that?'_

 _But her shock didn't last long, as the Goddess (self-proclaimed) raised her left hand and showcased me some kind of guide book and let me read it while explaining the content herself._

 _"That won't be an issue. With the kind support of us Gods, we'll overload your brain so you'll be able to learn it instantly."_

 _As I was listening to her melodious voice, I happened to catch a glimpse of a certain warning about how overloading one's brain could make the said person go ' **poof'** and how Heaven would not be held responsible if such thing happened. The young girl quickly placed her hand on top of the spot in order to futilely cover that exact warning._

 _"As a side effect, you might just go ' **poof'** if you're unlucky, though. So, all that leaves you to do is to choose a powerful ability or piece of equipment."_

 _Silently, I raised my head and glared at her with my eyes squinted closely. "I just heard you mention something really serious. What do you mean, ' **poof** '?"_

 _"I never said that." Said she with an innocent smile._

 _"Yes you did."_

 _She decided to ignore me._

...

That scene, do you remember it now? Still no? Oh well. You have to rewatch episode 1 I guess. Anyway, Megumin could read and speak Japanese just fine, which is convenient, for the lack of better terms. This morning, Okaa-san took her to a local middle school to have her take a transfer test.

In fact, they should be back by now.

"We're back~," speak of the devil!

"Welcome back."

Staring at me who just said those word nonchalantly from the sofa of the living room, Okaa-san asked me coldly.

"Who are you?"

"W-Who?! I'm your son! _Ka-zu-ma-kyun, da yo_!"

I stressed the last part to make sure that it gets across.

"Stop lying. My son never leave his room unless he had to buy limited edition eroges or eat. I'll ask this once again. Who are you?! And what did you do to Kazuma?!"

"I told you that I **am** Kazuma! Is it that strange for me to be out of my room like this?!"

Megumin, who's standing behind my mother suddenly chimed in.

"It is."

My mother agrees.

"Yes it is. He's a hikikomori after all."

"...Why do I even bother. So, Megumin. Did you pass the test?"

The said girl crossed her hands somewhere below her chest area as if to emphasize her non-existent breasts and spoke in a haughty tone.

"Fear my power, heathen! Look at these white papers and praise me to high Heavens!"

She handed me two test papers, which I took, and looked at the number on top.

 **100\. She got 100 on both of them.**

"You cheated the test! I'm sure of it!"

Megumin looks slightly offended by this.

"Cheat?! I did no such thing! Don't you know that I'm the #1 genius mage of the hidden Crimson Mazoku village?!"

"How am I supposed to know?! You never told me!"

"I would've told you by now if this fanfic author didn't cut the original story short at the Winter Shogun scene!"

"Don't break the fourth wall! And don't spoiler the reader who haven't read the original light novel!"

"On a certain volume of the original light novel, we went to the hidden village of chuuni mages to fight the Demon King's army and the two of us ended up staying at my house in the same room where you attempted to assault me-...!"

"No, don't say any more! Please!"

"Trashzuma froze the window with magic, then offered to snuggle up with me... we need to keep us both warm, he said smoothly!"

"STAAAAAPH!"

...

...

...We apologize for the spoilers. We will redo the scene once again.

"So your result is genuine? You're really a _tensai mahou shoujo_?" **(TL: Genius magical girl.)**

"I'm a wizard, not a magical girl! I don't transform... yet."

"...Suuure. So you're a middle schooler now, huh. Megumin sure grows fast~," I patted her head like a kid, and she scoffed at me irritatedly.

"Middle school? Hah! On your knees, peasant. For this great Megumin are enrolling to the high school you're supposed to be enrolled to."

This took me some time to process. Eyeing Megumin like she had lost her mind, I gave her a pitying look.

"Don't look at me like that! It's true! After taking the entrance test at that middle school and getting a perfect score, the teacher in charge of supervising the test decided to have me take a high school level test... which I also got perfect score of. This and that happened, and I ended up skipping grades and become a high school student."

This is far too unrealistic! What do you mean by 'this and that happened'?! Explain it properly!

Is this the handiwork of Heaven?! Megumin being easily accepted to the household and entering a high school, could it all be planned?!

This is plot convenience! The Heaven is twisting the world to somehow make me end up leaving my hikikomori life behind, go to school, and finally get into a lovey-dovey relationship with Megumin. Well, guess what? I refuse! I won't abide by your wish, I won't stop being a hikikomori and as proof, I'll prove it to you by rebelling and locking myself in my room right now!

And so I did.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, the clock's needles both pointed at 3, and orange tinted light are streaming from the window. I yawned and scratched my bed hair, took a moment to keep the sleepiness away. Raising myself from the bed, I commanded my feet to walk towards the bathroom.

After taking care of my 'business', I went downstairs to find Megumin watching TV on the sofa. Little brother is probably hanging out with his friends like the normalfag he is, and my parents will most likely come back late like usual.

But that's to be expected. They're all normalfags unlike a hikikomori like me after all~.

…Go die in a train wreck. Suppressing my strong desire to shout from the top of my lungs that all normalfags should blow up to pieces, I sat on the vacant seat next to Megumin and silently watched some random show currently airing. Tick tock, the room is so quiet I could even hear the ticking of the time-tracking device we called clock.

"Is it interesting?" I tried to start a conversation with Megumin.

"What is?" She shot back instantly. Maybe she's as bored as me.

"The variety show."

I pointed at the TV in front of us. You could see the scene of two moe idols doing some questionable things to each other on the screen.

Her head turned towards my direction and she looked at me strangely.

"Aren't you watching it too?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Not really."

Perhaps she found it funny, Megumin grinned at my response.

"Me neither."

We spent 10 minutes or so before I let out another question.

"Megumin, wanna see some special magic?" She raised her eyebrow curiously at my question.

"Special magic? Like the television?"

"Television isn't magic, but yeah. Something like that."

"Is that so? Well, I'm bored so show me anyway."

"Sure."

Her brown hair swaying, she followed me as I went to the nearby cabinet and rummaged for a certain something there. My hand grasped that thing and I handed a pack of firecrackers to Megumin.

"This is…?" At her doubtful expression, I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"It's a magic bomb containing miniature explosion magic." Megumin glanced at the pack with obvious distaste and protested at me while flailing her hands around.

"What is this blasphemy?! You can't express the beauty and might of explosion with this pathetic thing! Don't insult explosion magic!" She took one piece out of the pack, held it like it was something disgusting and finally threw it onto the floor.

It exploded near her legs, making her jump at me with a high pitched shriek.

"What are you thinking, idiot?! What if you start a fire and burn the house down?!"

"S-Shut up! How am I supposed to know that it would blow up if I throw it to the floor?! But… not bad. It clearly falls short compared to **real** explosion magic, but I could rate 6 out of 10 for that 'bang'."

"Yes, of course." I rolled my eyes. Despite how she is acting, Megumin's crimson eyes are obviously glittering right now.

"H-Hey, Kazuma, can I take another one?" She asked while glancing between me and the firecrackers.

"Suit yourself. Just don't do it inside."

"I know that already!" Following Megumin who went outside, we spent the rest of the day playing firecrackers outside like little kids.

* * *

A few days later.

"Kazuma, how do I look?" Rotating her body on the spot, she showed off her new sailor uniform to me. She looks delighted with it, and seems to be asking for a compliment or two.

"You look cute," I praised her with a smile.

"R-Really?" With her cheeks dyed red, she asked me with upturned eyes.

"Yes, you look like a real grade school student."

"…!"

Normally, I wouldn't be as bold as this with my joke knowing how conscious Megumin is with her height, but today is different. That's right.

I've just went through the night raiding dungeons and blowing fortresses up without rest. I slashed through thousands of bodies, and even defeated a dragon. People are looking at me with envy, they all cried in frustration at how weak their equipment are compared to mine and many challenged me into a duel. They all lose. Over their corpses, I raised my silver sword upwards and shouted to the sky: "Give me more EXP!"

Yes, you guessed it. I spend an all-nighter playing my favorite MMORPG and am extremely sleepy right now. My eyes are bloodshot and I felt so tired I might fall over right this instant. I can't think clearly at all.

"Just what are you implying by that statement? Are you saying that I am radiating so much innocence wearing this sailor uniform I looked as cute as a grade school student?" My mouth opened at her silly interpretation and a loud laughter came out of it. Without putting any thought at it, I spoke the first thing that came to mind.

"No, you're just that short."

A moment later, my head was flung back by a strong impact and I found myself sprawled on the floor. With a huff, Megumin glared at me with disdain and left the room.

Well, that wasn't so bad. At least she wasn't choking me to death(lol).

…God, please don't remind me of that time. It's awkward just looking at my brother's face after that incident. And I don't know why, but the last time our gaze met, he started blushing. Could it be that I've triggered some flag into the yaoi route?!

Anyway, my head hurts from that punch just now. Despite how she looks, Megumin's level are higher than mine and our stats are carried on from the fantasy world. Simply put, it hurts like hell.

* * *

At a certain public high school, rumors have been going around about a new transfer student that has suddenly transferred. While it's true that a few students would often transfer due to their parents' work or some other circumstances, the time of this one student choose to transfer is somewhat odd. Right after midterm tests of the second semester. Left with such a small time left before the final tests (and graduation for the third-year seniors) wouldn't it be better for this person to stay in their original school for a few months and transfer after the final tests are over? Thought some of the students gossiping in the classroom. But then again, it wasn't really their problem and without any genuine information to back it up, all they could do are speculate.

"Maybe this person has committed a criminal act and are forced to transfer school!" Said 'Student A' in wild excitement.

"Eeh~? That sounds stupid." Answered the bespectacled 'Student B'. Hearing that his opinion is being looked down upon, the immature 'Student A' shouted at 'Student B'.

"Stupid?! **You're** stupid! What other reason could there be for a student to transfer this late into the semester?!" The calm and collected 'Student B' shrugged his shoulders while muttering 'yare yare', and answered with a flat tone.

"You're thinking about this too much. This person is probably just transferring because of their parents' work. And don't call me stupid. My grades are definitely better than yours."

"But that's boring! And don't bring my grades into this! Grades are just numbers, it's not like they reflect on a person's talents and reliability." 'Student B' ignored the impulse of saying that this transfer student didn't transfer for the purpose of entertaining him out of his boredom and sighed tiredly at the latter part of the sentence uttered by 'Student A'.

"Then could you please list all those 'talents' of yours that aren't listed on your test papers?"

"…" 'Student A' thought deeply for a few seconds, and ended up not saying anything. Seeing that, 'Student B' changed his focus to the window next to his left. At least he's nice enough to not call 'Student B' an idiot.

"Idiot." Ah, he slipped.

"What did you just call me?!"

Things are rowdy as always in this certain public high school, where students mingle and spend their everyday life in leisure.

The merry chattering and chats suddenly stopped when the front door opened. All student hastily returned to their respective seats as the homeroom teacher entered slowly with his back straight as a ramrod.

Scanning his dead-fish eyes around the room, he nodded and announced in a monotone.

"Many of you should've heard of this already, but today we are going to receive another student into this class. Please treat her kindly, you all hear?" He flashed a small smile on the outside but despite that, his inside is completely different. He began complaining without changing the expression of his face.

…Man, why must she transfer into **my** class? I hate responsibilities, so why can't she enter another? It's enough pain managing these hopeless guys with no future, and now I have to take care of another? 'Tokumei-sensei, your class have less students compared to the other classes so I'll leave this one in your care,' damn that bald principal, not even asking for my opinion first as he shoved more responsibility to me. Why don't you stand in my shoes for once and move your fat ass away from that cozy chair of yours?!

But Tokumei-sensei is a professional. He could easily separate his thoughts and actions, so his small smile held and no one could guess his real thought. He stiffly turned to the door, and motioned his hand up and down as he called the name of the transfer student.

"Megumi…n-san, please come inside." He paused for a moment there while saying the transfer student's name. Megumin? Is that 'n' some kind of typo or is this girl name really that weird? After thinking for a brief moment, he came upon the conclusion that it was none of his business and to just get this over with so he can take a break early and idle around in the staff room.

The students all looked at the direction of the front door with huge expectations, and a figure could be seen passing through the entrance. One small step, two steps. Step. Steps. Steps again. And the figure finally stopped next to Tokumei-sensei. The students ignored the figure and continued to stare at the front door with huge expectations. After a minute or two, Tokumei-sensei let out a cough and all of the eyes in the room focused on him. Then at the figure standing next to him.

Crossing her hands over her face in an overdramatic pose, the girl let her presence be known and her voice traveled to every ears capable of hearing in the small room.

"'Tis I, Megumin. Master of explosion magic, the conqueror of both Heaven and Hell. I've reincarnated 665 times counting from the day I was first born and the current me is the 666th in line of reincarnated. My mind was protected by the strongest magic barrier that even the great I cannot break, my limbs are enforced by adamantium and a chaos dragon core is tightly embedded on my chest. With 12 destiny dragons of doom sealed within my left eye and 7 fallen angel wings hidden below my back, I guarded the world from the excessive force of light and brings darkness to those who desire it. Be awed by the power of my severe majestic-ness!"

The girl threw some firecrackers around her, creating a lot of 'bang's and smoke which caused her to enter a coughing fit… when she stopped coughing, the girl spread her arms wide with force unbefitting of her small figure, accidentally pushing Tokumei-sensei who ended up getting 'close and friendly' with the hard floor. The students in charge of today cleaning duty seem to be slacking off this morning, so the floor is littered with dirt and dust. Not that it matters.

…Anyway, the person seated in the middle seat of the front-most row, namely 'Student C' raised his hand in order to break the silence that has encased the room.

"Sensei? Where's the transfer student? And is that your daughter? I don't know that sensei is married but she sure is a nutcase… I mean cute girl."

Many nodded at the opinion of 'Student C', and 'Student D' spoke up in a high pitched voice suited to her (nonexistent) character.

"What grade is her, sensei? 6th?"

From her back, 'Student E' retorted with a snort.

"6th? Are you blind? She's probably in the 3rd grade."

'Student D' turned her head at him and smiled sweetly before her hand was thrusted forward like lightning and hit him right in the solar plexus.

A few eyes focused on the fool 'Student E' but moved away soon enough. It's not really that interesting, so they turned their attention to Tokumei-sensei who have raised himself. He smiled like nothing ever happened and explained to the students.

"This is Megumin-san. The new transfer student. Her. Yes, her." He said while pointing at the short girl that's emptily muttering something about 3rd grade student and breast pads.

"Eeh~," the students voiced in sync.

"Ahem. Well, that wasn't the best first impression to speak of but don't worry, every student of Class F would be **extremely** pleasedto help you get comfortable in this new school environment so if you're having a trouble or two, please speak your mind to the class representative. Now then, I will be going back to the Staff room so feel free to speak with everyone. By the way, you can sit in that empty seat in the corner. It meant for Kazuma-kun to sit on but he's always absent so feel free to make it your own." With that said, Tokumei-sensei escaped with wide strides toward the staff room.

The students quickly created a crowd centered around Megumin as they began asking question about her.

"Megumin-san, was it? I'm the class representative. May I ask your family name?"

"I don't have one."

"R-Really? That's… interesting."

"Ne, ne, how old are you?"

"I'm turning 14 next week," said her proudly. A few awed 'wow~' could be heard around her.

"That means that Megumin-san is 13 years old, right? Did you skip grades or something?"

"I guess that's how it is."

A few curious glances are sent toward her but she decided to shrug it off.

"People called me a genius since I'm a little child, so yeah."

"Huh. Is that so. Megumin-san, why did you choose to transfer this late into the semester? This might be a bit personal, but is there some kind of circumstances regarding your transfer?" Someone finally managed to gather enough courage to ask that.

"…I was killed in action when fighting a shogun and was sent to Japan from a fantasy world."

Strange stares are directed at her direction. Then it all turned into laughs.

"Ara, Megumin-san, are you still half-asleep?"

"Ahaha! What's up with that? Megumin-san sure knows how to joke around."

"Yeah, I'm bored of the usual 'my parents' work forced me to transfer' answer so this is a fresh experience."

"I'm telling the truth though," muttered Megumin.

"Sure, sure."

And so is Megumin's first day at her new school.

* * *

I confirmed my surroundings. Turning my head to the left, then to the right. Clear, I thought to myself. That's when I pondered why I'm being so sneaky and cautious. It's not like what I planned on doing is illegal or anything. But still, wouldn't it be weird explaining it if I met someone I know? Or so I reasoned myself. There's basically zero chance of me meeting anyone I know this far from home, but still. I couldn't help but feeling nervous so I briskly walked toward a certain store in the backstreet of Akiba.

That noon, I woke up to find the house empty. Thinking that it was the perfect time to go out, I grabbed all money from my miniscule allowance and took a train to Akihabara, or Akiba as most people called it. You know, the place that game called AKIBA'S TRIP took place on. The fantastic city with the highest population of otakus.

For what reason exactly, you must be wondering. The answer is… I want to buy a brand new eroge that just came out. They're selling a limited edition of it so I went all the way to Akiba to get one. Come to think of it, the first time I died, I also just come back from here after getting a new game. But that won't happen again. I'm not stupid enough to die again from the same cause. So whatever happened, be it a girl about to get hit by a tractor or whatever, I won't bulge. I won't act out-of-character and try to save her.

While I was busy thinking, my feet brought me into the entrance of the store, where I could see quite a long line of otakus getting their copy of 'NEKOPARA Vol. 1 Limited Edition'. Wordlessly entering the end of the line, I patiently waited for my turn.

30 minutes later, I exited the store proudly holding the plastic bag containing 'NEKOPARA Vol. 1 Limited Edition' and some extra goods inside. I started walking toward the train station in a snail pace. Nothing much happened on the way... is what I was about to say when I saw a long haired high school student reminiscent to the one I've seen before, about to fall off a bridge. Something clicked inside my head and I stopped myself as I was about to run towards her.

No! This is a trap, just like that time. She's probably going to stabilize herself, yes.

But she didn't. Her body gradually leans more and more towards the edge as if in slow motion and I find myself in a panic. Should I try to save her or should I just leave her alone? Nothing good is coming out of this, the past me cautioned. But still, how am I supposed to do nothing when someone is about to fall down a bridge in front of me? That'd be cruel and my heart wouldn't be able to take it. Imagine if she actually fall down and died, how much guilt would that create for me?!

Shit. I'm going to regret this!

"Be careful!" I ran to her side and tried to pull her back, but ended up slipping on the road and falling down myself.

So this is how people feel when they are bungee jumping! I could almost call this fun, if only I had a rope to keep me from hitting the earth and die.

As the ground covered in mud zoomed in on me, I raised a shrill scream and passed out.

* * *

In a land Kazuma is overly familiar with, yet very far from his reach, two figure covered in fur cloaks could be seen walking through a dense forest. Emerald leaves rustled and the wind blows gently as they continue pressing on forward.

"Aqua." One of the cloaked figure, the one on the back, spoke up.

"What is it Darkness? Is your bladder full again?" Asked the second figure, the one with light blue hair.

"T-That's not it! Well, actually, I'm starting to have the urge b-but that's not it!"

"Really now. Darkness is so shy; she can't be honest with herself."

"I told you that's not it! Stop teasing me! I-It feels too good…" Despite her reddened face, Darkness straightened her back and put on a firm expression.

"…Are you serious about what you're saying before? Is there really a place with water that can restore a body into their youthful state?"

Aqua briefly glanced at Darkness' face and turned her gaze ahead in an overly dramatic and clichéd manner.

"I don't know."

A line unbefitting of the atmosphere came about. Short moments of peace and tranquil ensued… until it was broken by Darkness' protest.

"What do you mean you don't know?!"

"By 'don't know' I mean I don't know! I just heard some rumors on the taverns the last time I drown myself in alcohol to dull the pain of Kazuma's and Megumin's death, and they're saying about how an adventurer party of old men went on a journey to the south and returned as young men."

"And you believe that?! Isn't that just the words of some drunkard who mistook another party of adventurer for that one that have gone on a journey?!"

"As I said, I don't know! I never asked him directly!"

"Why did you decide not to?!"

"Does it matter if I had asked him or not?!"

"It does, you moron! Aren't we just chasing after wild goose?!"

"Tell me then! Would you prefer chasing after baseless rumors or wallow in grief without doing anything?!"

Darkess showed a shocked expression at Aqua's words.

"Darkness could do just that! Go back to Axel! I will continue the journey on my own, and restore both Megumin and Kazuma's body that has turned into ashes and revive them both!" Exclaimed her as she pointed at the two urn located below her cloak.

"…I'm sorry. Aqua is right, this is better than doing nothing at all. There's no way I can go back after you've said that much."

Aqua nodded her head as a sign of accepting her apology. Un, we can't give up, she thought. If they give up on trying to revive Kazuma and Megumin, then they would never be able to defeat the Demon King. In that case, she would never be able to return to Heaven.

…In the end, all Aqua thought of is herself.

"By the way, feeling the urge yet?"

"S-Shut it."

She grinned mischievously after hearing Darkness' response and proceed to tickle the area around her belly.

"No! S-Stop tickling me! This is bad… not there…!"

"Hahaha! Take this… and this!" Darkness let out some questionable moans out of her mouth, and tried her best to free herself from Aqua's relentless assault to no avail.

"Staph…! I-I cahn't holdt ith anymhore…!"

…If you're really **that** curious, Darkness ended up shamelessly wetting herself and sulked until they reached the next town.

After finding a suitable inn, they both booked a room and went to a nearby tavern to get some food and a mug of beer or two.

"Darkness, Darkness! Stop sulking already! See this delicious shrimp right here?" The self-proclaimed Goddess waved a half-eaten piece of shrimp right in front of Darkness' face and continued talking to her.

"I'll give this to you so cheer up! Since I'm a Goddess of Water, I managed to turn your warm golden liquid into pure pristine water when I touched it so it's not like your undies are smelly or anything."

The blonde Crusader finally lost her cool and banged the palm of her hand into the table, attracting a few curious glances and some annoyed ones.

"That's not the problem here! You! You purposefully make me go through such shameful experience and just laughed it off after like nothing ever happened! I won't deny that I like it, but still…!" Darkness gets flustered as she admitted that she actually enjoyed it.

"At the end of the day, are you a masochistic pervert or a young lady from a noble house?"

"I'm a woman! A young maiden with tender heart!"

"Oh, 's that 'o." Aqua swiftly shifted her attention to the beer mug in front of her.

"Listen to me!"

"I'm listening. Darkness is just some pervert who got cold feet when it comes to the real action, yes?"

"?!"

"What, you're not going to deny it?"

"Uuu…" Darkness lowered her head down in defeat, letting her blond hair cover her blushing face. I-It's not like I get cold feet on purpose or anything, or so thought she.

Taking a deep chug off her mug, Aqua let out a satisfied sigh while stretching her body.

"Ahh~, it sure is fun to bully Darkness."

"I'd be glad if you could find a better hobby," said Darkness while pouting.

"Eeh~, but there's no one else to tease." Aqua began disinterestedly playing with the end of her blue hair.

The bullied person sighed and decided to drop the matter indefinitely and moved to another topic.

"Say, what should we do about funds? I could already see the bottom of our pockets."

"Couldn't you just ask some money from the Dustiness house? You're their only daughter, so wouldn't your father tolerate it more or less?"

"Those are tax money! There's no way I can take them!"

"How about robbing a bank?"

"And why must all of your fundraising suggestions be criminal in nature?!"

Aqua shrugged her shoulder as if saying if Darkness has a better idea.

"Hmm…" The blonde Crusader strikes a thinking pose and offered an idea.

"How about taking monster subjugation request?"

Aqua waved her hand left and right in denial.

"No way, no way. We don't have enough manpower, no mage or thief and our firepower are practically zero. I'm a delicate healer after all."

"Zero?! But I'm a Crusader with considerable ATK stat!" Darkness' palm hit the table once more as she protested loudly.

"Yeah, sure. What's the use of having 999 ATK if your accuracy is -100%?"

"It's in the minus?!"

"Obviously! You can't even hit a scarecrow right in front of your eyes! Even I could hit it, but that's to be expected. I'm a Goddess after all."

"You're still continuing on with that Goddess thing?" Shifting her weight towards the chair on her back, which creaked in response, the masochist asked with a tired expression. Dealing with Aqua seems to be taking a lot out of her, and not in the way she wanted.

"Huh? Why are you phrasing it like I'm not a real one?"

"Because you're not?"

"How could you! So Darkness is denying the might of this young beautiful sweet pure flawless perfect Goddess of Water Aqua-sama of the Axis cult?!"

"No, more like, I'm not an Axis cultist. I'm a believer of the Eris Church…"

"Eris?! As in Eris the Goddess of Fortune? **That** Eris?! I'm her senpai, you know!"

"…Sure. Whatever makes you happier."

This time, it was Darkness' turn to disinterestedly ignore the fake self-proclaimed Goddess.

"You're taking me for a fool aren't you?! Hey, answer me!"

And so, they ended up bantering through the evening on that tavern table without making a single progress on how to solve their economical situation.

* * *

 **Review Replies:**

 **XxPokemonMasterxX: My condolences?**

 **Allosaurus .Jei** **: I prefer dog but sure, call me a cat! I've read the latest translated chapter of the LN, yes. And I do intend to continue this one... but whether I could do it in reality or not is different. So I won't make promises. (P.S. I thought your review was a flame at first D=)**

 **DrScorcher: Here's moar~.**

 **Impassive Purple: No matter how awesome and epic that would be, it would never come true unfortunately since I was just pulling on your leg. A true shame, to be honest.**

 **Mr. Snarker: Spoiler: The end of the chapter(lol).**

 **OtakuOne: You caught the reference, eh? As expected of you!**

 **Jedi Lord -Author: Thanks for the review~. 'Lip taste', eh... (-_-)**

 **GBRK: You know, I tried to stay as close to the original material as possible, and since the original material is a Japanese light novel, isn't it natural for me to write the story that way? With Japanese term, intended for Japanese audiences? I know this might sound stupid to you, but appealing the western audience and changing many terms like 'san', 'sensei', 'imouto' and the like into their English counterparts (mister, teacher, little sister) would defy my style of writing, which is as I had said at the start. I'm sorry, but this is one suggestion I won't accept.**

 **Danmaku-OverLord: Spoiler: the end of the chapter(rofl). And no, I won't do four(five-with-Eris)some.**

 **ArmantusCumPinnae: Uh, I have no idea what 8man is but if that makes you happy, then I'll lie. YES! I inserted a reference from 8man in chapter 3. Glad you liked it. ;) And no, no harem. Pure KazumaXMegumin.**


	5. At Least I Saw Her Pantsu!

**Author's Note: Can't seem to write a long chapter so... you'll have to do with this.**

 **Eramis8: Does that mean that he isn't OOC for once...?!**

 **Danmaku-OverLord: Nope, not happening. I have a completely different purpose of inserting them into the story. Sorry. And I might consider Eris in the future... might.**

 **tentaclecat: Aha, ha. Nice speculation you have there. And seriously, '...you NEVER laugh from someone dying on something embarrassing'? I don't know if you're morally upright or simply 'normal', but there is this thing called a line between reality and fiction. Also, do you know that gladiators exist to entertain people in Ancient Rome by fighting each other to the death? Humans had begun to laugh at others dying before you're even born. Just sayin'.**

 **passwordrawr: ...Hachiman. 8(Hachi)-man. My God. I finally got the reference. Thanks. xD**

 **Guest (GBRK): Thank you for your understanding. ;)**

 **Server lock: Eh~, it is implied in the chapter title. Well, I have something planned for the two of them so yeah. Look forward to it?**

 **rhythmking: Apparently not. Lol**

 **Enjoy the chapter~.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I do not own KonoSuba, only this pitiful excuse of a fanfic.**

* * *

"Ahhh~. I'm falling~." A monotonous voice came from above me and a firework of colors exploded in my head, jolting my mind awake immediately. I quickly opened my eyes wide and turned my head towards the source. In my vision I could see the girl I tried to save earlier falling down just after I did.

...What the hell is this situation?!

 **10 seconds until impact.**

I thought that my Luck stat isn't working in the fantasy world because all of it was counter-balanced by my comrades' especially bad luck and figured that it might work now that I'm in Japan and only one of them is present, thus I willingly accepted my fate of falling down a bridge as I think that my Luck is high enough to let me survive the fall, but then **this** happen? This fact have proven that I'm still unlucky and would die like any other human being when I hit the ground.

Dammit, why must I carry all the responsibilities and burdens when all I want to do was fully live my life as a hikikomori in peace?! This is so unfair. Why must I care about someone else's life when caring about my own is hard enough? This isn't what you promised, Eris-san!

 **9 seconds until impact.**

Think Kazuma, think! Find a way to save yourself and the burden of a girl that had just been handed to you. Is there any objects you can use? I'm currently clenching the plastic bag containing 'NEKOPARA Vol. 1 Limited Edition' and some action figures of nekogirls from the same game. There's also a boobie mousepad which I definitely didn't buy for the breasts. T-They're selling it for cheap, okay?! Wait, I'm getting side-tracked! What else is in there?

Ah! I have this long USB cable I bought as a spare with me! I might be able to do something with this...

 **8 seconds until impact.**

Cover the action figures with the boobie mousepad... and wrap the USB cable around them... then throw them and hope that they'd stuck on something!

 **7 seconds until impact.**

...It didn't work. I couldn't wrap the cable tight enough so the boobie mousepad plus its contents anticlimactically slipped away from the cable and fell down.

What do I do now?! Of course, use my skill! C'mon, isn't there anything here I could 'Steal' that would let me survive this?!

 **6 seconds until impact.**

"Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!"

 **5 seconds until impact.**

Did I just say 10 shits in one second?! Nevermind that, I need a mattress or something right now!

 **4 seconds until impact.**

*Hyperventilating*

 **3 seconds until impact.**

Someone save me! I don't want to die!

 **2 seconds until impact.**

...

 **1 second until impact.**

...Megumin.

 **0.**

"Wind Breath!" At the last possible moment, I used most of my mana to cast one of the basic spell I learned in Axel. Massive amount of wind blasted out of my palm which I struck forward in front of my chest, pointing at the ground. A strong force hits my body, followed by the feeling of floating midair. But it merely lasted for a moment as gravity kicked in and my knees slammed down onto the ground. I tried to scream, but no voice came out. I think I might've fractured or even broken some bones.

With tears in my eyes and drool slipping from my mouth, I forced myself to crawl forward despite the pain. Channeling my remaining mana to my feet, I chanted in a whisper. "Tin... der...!"

Crimson fire exploded from the soles of my feet, burning my shoes off. Using the force generated by the explosion, I was thrown away like a ragdoll toward the spot I planned to be on; right below the girl.

Ahh... I can see her panties. I hope this isn't the last image I'll see, but in case it is, it's not that bad. I mean, dying while seeing girl panties isn't so bad, right?

My mind whited out when something crashed on top of my stomach.


	6. Awakening of the Main Protagonist!

**Author's Note: Been busy. Cross that, still busy. But hey, why not write something for once?**

 **Too tired to respond to tentaclecat's rant about humanity and its problem and after 2 months, (or was it 3? Heck, 4 months even?) I can definitely say that I don't give a shit.**

 **But everyone else's not here for that, yes? So let's get right into it.**

 **Ah, before I forget, this is important. Skip it if you want, i-it's not like I mind or anything!**

 **[IMPORTANT]**

 **I'm _seriously_ searching for a co-writer of sorts. Y'know, I write a portion of the story and send the doc to the other writer, vice versa. At this point, I'm not sure that I could finish this story. ANY of my story in general, but this story in particular. Please PM me if you are interested. I mean it, really.**

 **Writing long stories has always been a problem for me, since the way I work is by sudden spikes of energy and some enthusiasm. When I don't have the energy to write something and lose interest on the thing I'm writing then it's done. And that's why I need a co-writer. When I get stuck on a certain part of the story, I'll send it to the co-writer so that he/she/it/they can fill that certain part or even finish it and then send it back to me to edit and post. Even if the said person didn't complete the part, I'll probably have the drive to write the rest by then.**

 **TL;DR: Want more chapters or change how OOC Kazuma and Megumin are? Want to write this story yourself? PM me!**

 **[IMPORTANT]**

 **Anyway, please enjoy~.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I don't own KonoSuba and am still waiting for season 2. Which is airing on January 11. I think.**

* * *

"...I honestly don't know how you did it, but you survived. Congrats!"

That's the first sentence I heard the moment I opened my eyes. The origin of said words, a handsome man in his mid-twenties clad in a white coat clapped his hand while flashing a smile at me.

Just look at his perfect white teeth... show-off. The privilege given to people who win at life.

Looking around with my eyes, I could see sterile white curtains separating me from what seems to be another bed at either side of me. The patient robe I wore on top of my skin also caught my attention pretty quickly. Placing those pieces together, I concluded that I am in a hospital. Duh, Sherlock! What a freaking genius you are, Kazuma! You should go to college and get a graduate degree on golf management (yes, the major actually exists). With such deep insight of your surrounding, you're sure to manage the distribution of golf balls and their clubs just fine!

Enough self-deprecation. I have questions and I want them answered.

"Why am I in a hospital and why do I feel like crap?" My voice cracked a bit at the end, as if I haven't talked for a long time.

"Un, this must've been confusing for you, since it happened so abruptly. On a certain day a month ago,you fell down a bridge along with a female high school student. Somehow or another, you managed to break the girl's fall and saved her from death. However, we are surprised because you didn't break a single bone. Seriously, it really was a miracle. It was almost like your bones were made out of steel."

"Wait, what do you mean a month ago?"

"Exactly as it means. You woke up. Today. Just now. Before you were in a comatose." The doctor laughed refreshingly, literally refreshing. You can smell his apple-scented mouthwash from the bottom of a bridge. Ha, bottom of the bridge. Get it?

...Sometimes I wonder about my decisions in life. What am I doing? Where am I headed? Why did I do this instead of that and what would happen if I do that instead of this? What about the consequences of such actions? The responsibility? After asking everything all I'm left with is regret.

"Why would such a thing happen?"

"We don't know!"

"But that's your job to know!"

"Well, some things simply couldn't be helped. The condition of your body after impacting against the ground and that girl who fell in itself is abnormal so we decided to keep an open mind and accept the fact that you fully lost consciousness for a month without any explanation the effect of said abnormality. It wouldn't be a stretch to tell that you went into a coma because you are abnormal. Your abnormality as a human being caused you to not die from falling down a bridge and is the most likely cause of your deep slumber."

"...I kinda lost you there."

"Oh, don't worry. That's just some rubbish worded complicatedly in order to make patients accept their condition without revealing the fact that we know jack shit about their condition."

"What."

"Nothing. Any other questions?"

"That doesn't actually answer anything, right? Why did I fall into a comatose state? Hey, answer me!"

"Oh, I almost forgot. I believe this is yours." 'Don't change the subject,' I was about to say but I stopped myself when he handed me... my NEKOPARA Vol. I Limited Edition. My eyes become moist. This is it. This is the reason I woke up.

One month. One month had passed and I had waited long enough for this.

Which reminds me of that girl who I saved.

"Sensei **(AN: As in, doctor)** , you mentioned that I prevented a girl from falling to death."

"Yes, I did mention so."

"Where is she now? Is she okay?"

"I believe she is. She has stopped visiting you since two weeks ago. I mean, there's only so much time you could spare to visit a person you don't actually know and who couldn't interact directly to you. On another note though, there was this young lady who visits you everyday. I think her name is Megumi... n-san? Do you recognize the name?"

I nodded.

"Actually, yes. Very. We've been through life and death together." The doctor laughed as if I just told a funny joke. Not that I blame him. How is he supposed to know that I already died twice?

"That sounds nice. Ahh, to be young again!" You don't actually look that old.

"You don't actually look that old." I said it out loud.

"My, my! Flattery won't get you anything!" He started blushing while hiding his face in a modest way. This perfect bastard...! Your words doesn't match your reaction at all! You look like a kouhai about to hand down handmade chocolates to their senpai on Valentine.

After a few silent moment of serenity, the doctor decided to end the conversation.

"Well, Kazuma-san. I'd like to talk more with you but I had my schedule with other patients and you actually need to rest anyway so let's cut it off here. Have a nice day." With another one of his perfect smile, he exited the room through the door.

...

I'm bored.

I guess I'll sleep.


	7. A Message From Above!

**Author's Note: Finally found co-writer candidates! Thank you for applying.**

 **Half of this chapter is written by elixejo! Thanks!**

 **Mr. Snarker: I didn't compare anything, if that's what you're getting out of my reply. Thanks for the review anyway.**

 **OtakuOne: Yay~.**

 **capitalist banter: Thanks. I noticed some of them as well but am too lazy to remove them. xD**

 **A Lightswitch: WRYYY!**

 **tentaclecat: Are you done yet? Good.**

 **DrScorcher: Yes.**

 **szmtex: Sure thing.**

 **Philosopher27: Thank you, and sorry as well.**

 **Anyway, please enjoy~.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I don't own KonoSuba. I don't even own half of this chapter! Thanks again elixejo!**

* * *

I sat on the usual chair while Eris-san handed me a cup of warm tea.

To be honest, I don't exactly know what's going on right now but seeing how calm the silver haired Goddess was acting, I decided to act nonchalant as well.

She elegantly raised her teacup and took a sip of its content. Even the simplest act of drinking could seem so graceful when the person doing it is a Goddess. There are exceptions to that however, like a certain fake self-proclaimed Goddess with light blue hair whose name I won't even utter.

I would also have to wonder how someone could have such beautiful face. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that they are perfectly sculpted by the Heaven itself.

Eris-san turned her head towards my direction. Oh, did she caught me staring?

"Kazuma-san, did you already know why you are here right now?" Whew, she didn't notice anything. I answered her question confidently.

"Nope. I've got no clue whatsoever."

There's no use trying to be cool. Even if I tried and told her that I had her all figured out, it'll probably backfire on me later. I'll just look like a fool.

"E-Eh? Is that so. Kazuma-san truly looked so calm and collected that I thought that you have already figured it out. What a shame."

Gahhh! I should've at least tried! Eris-san, please don't look at me with those large, disappointed eyes!

"Uh, so could you please explain to me why I am in the afterlife? The doctor must've stabbed me to death with a syringe! Hahaha... no, seriously, did he? I don't trust handsome people."

"No, that's not true. You are not dead in the slightest. Heaven has called you here so that I could deliver a message to you, Kazuma-san." I raised an eyebrow.

"A message...?"

"That's right. Are you aware that Heaven is constantly supplying both Kazuma-san and Megumin-san with mana?"

"I did suspect something like that, to be honest. The fact that I could use skill and magic wouldn't make sense otherwise."

"Good! This would be simple then. Stop using magic or skills."

"Huh?"

"Stop using magic or skills or I'll curse you."

"That last part wasn't there before!"

Eris-san stuck her tongue out like a child. S-So cute... I didn't know Eris-san has such a side to her.

"Still, why should I stop doing that? I mean, what's the worse that can happen if either me or her use magic?" Megumin blowing Tokyo to smithereens, probably. But I will keep that to myself for now.

"Also, why was I in a coma?" I slipped another question that I forgot to ask.

Eris-san scratched her right cheek with a troubled expression.

"How do I explain it... let's see... while Heaven is, in fact, supplying both Kazuma-san and Megumin-san with mana, the amount wasn't infinite. There are an astounding number of people with similiar fate to Kazuma-san, that is, being reincarnated to their original world after dying one way or another in the fantasy world. The thing is, we need to cast a spell that bound their soul and body to that living realm. This created a situation where Heaven has to expend its mana supply to cast said spell. The spell works by creating a mana link from Heaven to the reincarnated person and tying it to the realm the person is reincarnated to. As a side effect, the said person can draw mana from said link and cast magic they had previously learnt. Are you following me so far, Kazuma-san?"

I nodded my head. Don't underestimate my INT stat!

"Okay, I mentioned that people who're linked to Heaven could occasionally draw mana from it, and that's fine. That is, if the amount of people doing so wasn't so high. For example, a month before Kazuma-san used magic to save a girl who had fallen down from a bridge. You drew a small amount of mana from the link, to supplement the leftover mana inside your body which you carried from the fantasy world. Now, imagine one million people doing the same, only they are drawing a lot more mana than you do. Now, imagine two million. Three million. Four. Now five. Did you see now? Even if Heaven has near infinite and constantly regenerating amount of mana, it will probably run out at this rate. So the Gods come upon a solution that they should limit the amount of mana able to be drawn from the link."

Eris-san paused to take another sip of tea. I decided to mimic her myself.

"So they put a limiter on the link. That's pretty clever."

"Indeed. But that also created another problem."

"What problem?"

"If people still insists on drawing mana, they'll reach the limit given to them and won't recieve anymore mana. None at all."

"Oh. The spell binding them to their reincated realm won't work then."

"Correct! 100 points to Kazuma-san." Eris-san told me with a smile.

"...What would happen then?"

"They'd die."

Awkward silence.

"That's nice to hear." I opt for sarcasm.

"For your information, Heaven won't be held responsible for any damage done to the soul as result of sudden forced untangling from a certain realm." The silver haired Goddess said in a monotonous tone with a perfect poker face.

"That's a standard corporate warning, right? You sound exactly like Aqua. I'm surprised."

"Aqua? As in, the Goddess of Water Aqua-senpai?"

"Wait, did you know her? And more like, why would you call her senpai?"

"I am actually her kouhai."

...Unbelievable! Aqua was an actual Goddess?! I cannot believe this! This is a lie!

"Aqua aside, I'm still confused. How did this relate to me being in a coma?"

"Yes, there's that as well. To be frank, it was actually pretty simple. You exhausted your mana."

I spared a moment to soak that.

"But wouldn't that mean that I would already be dead...?"

"Not necessarily! Your body might be out of magical energy, but the link to Heaven still kept the minimum amount of it to keep the 'rope' there. The impact of mana exhaustion is leaving you immobile and unconscious until your mana is restored. 'You die when you're out of mana' is simply the worst case scenario when you cast a spell so big in mana expenditure that it temporarily breaks the limit to draw the needed amount from Heaven. But, as I stated before, you won't recieve anymore mana to keep the spell tying you to the living realm going and your body silently collapses like a doll without strings."

Awkward silence (again). What did you expect me to say in response to that? Should I make some retarted jokes to break the tension or should I just leave it be...

...

"Um..." Eris-san took the initiative to break the tension between us, though in a nervous tone.

"Y-Yes, Eris-san?" I responded in kind, looking back in front. Perspiration ran down my spine.

"Is there anything else you'd like to know? I have already given you Heaven's message. If there's nothing else, I'll be sending you back to reality now."

She puts her hands together, tilting her head by a small angle – between 22.5 and 45 degrees.

"Wait. I still have questions about this."

"Mm, I'll hear you out, Kazuma-san."

I take a deep breath.

 **Open questioning session:**

 **Question #1.**

"About our limited magic, how much allowance are given (before we die)?"

"Each person's capacity is a little more than what is needed for one ninth of an Explosion. It's generous if you ask me."

 **Question #2.**

"Wait, then what happens if Explosion is used? That spell needs too much mana."

"Then it's the 'you die when you're out of mana' situation."

 **Question #3.**

"How often does that limiter reset?"

"About once every month."

 **Question #4.**

"How old are you, Eris-san?"

"I'm very old, despite my looks. I'm well past the thousand mark!"

My love goes beyond age! (As long as you keep your current appearance.)

 **Question #5.**

"Can I stay here for life?"

"Sorry, but you can't. Your soul will completely (and as a matter of fact) vanish under a day if we don't put you in either Heaven or a living realm."

 **Question #6.**

"Then can you make me a God so that I can stay with you? Forever?"

"I'm flattered, but only Heaven can do that. The answer is still no, unfortunately."

 **The questioning session ends here.**

Eris-san responds to every question with a smile, like a lady in customer service serving answering shoppers' queries. Her machine-gun responses are too much for me to take in.

Amazing. Was she intent on sending me off?

I heaved a sigh, before standing up. "I got nothing left to ask you. Thanks. You can take me back."

A familiar blue magic circle surrounds me and I'm levitated into the air.

Suddenly, yet another thought comes into mind.

"Chotto matte!" **[TL: "Wait a minute!"]**

My rise to the ceilingless top doesn't stop, but at least I caught Eris-san's attention with a somewhat infuriated voice.

"Y-Yes...?"

"Isn't this the moment where I get to make a wish before getting sent off?"

"That's only if you died! You're not transferring into another realm anyway!"

Eris-san sighs and pouts, crossing her arms and looking away. Ahh, she's so loveable...

"I wish-!"

* * *

...

Slowly inhale oxygen.

...

Now, exhale carbon dioxide slowly.

...

I took another deep breath in, and exhaled. There was a veil of sweat over my head and body. My heartbeat was hammering the fastest it's ever been.

What was that...? The feeling was like being in space without a spacesuit; my body swelled to twice my body size, but I had to stand with the excruciating pain because my skin refused to tear; I was torn inside out, starting with the lungs, because the gases in my lungs would expand by an infinite number of times because of the lack of outside pressure.

The pain was slow, slow but steady. The pain screamed louder than my own voice. I don't think I could even scream in the first place. Sound can't travel without any medium, like air. Something that space completely lacks.

Am I even in space?

What is space? What is the universe? What is life? What is that sensation?

If I had to describe it, then it felt like death. No, that was probably death.

Why did I experience that feeling only now? Gah, it just didn't fit in...

It hurts.

* * *

I'm going to go to what Kazuma's parents said was a hospital.

It's quite clean and advanced compared to Axel and the village.

To the angels and dragons that reside inside my blazing crimson demon eye: the mortal Kazuma, has awakened after a month of eternal slumber! A contradiction where an 'eternal' only lasts for a measly month.

Kazuma's the first to have a contract for this long...

...but is there any point to a contract anymore?

He locks himself up in his room; more often than back at Axel.

Sigh...

A-Anyways! Ahem.

We shall cross paths once again, Kazuma!

I shall tell you about the ceremonies held in my name while you were in your deep sleeep! Muhahaha!

* * *

Geh!

"Geh!" **[AN: This is what you say after watching Boku no Pico. Just... geh.]**

I blurted out my thoughts in disgust.

I've just checked the eroge that I bought a month ago: NEKOPARA Vol. 1.

There's scratches and cracks on the CD, probably the result of a fall down a bridge. Fortunately, they aren't too big nor severe to be a problem when I use them (I hope).

I placed the CD back into it's original packaging, and that into the bag. I followed up by hiding the bag somewhere nearby me, where the bag is hidden from plain sight but could be easily found with a little searching. I couldn't be bothered to hide it anywhere better.

* * *

I'm finally at the structure that caters to the injured: the so-called hospital!

Good thing that Kazuma's mother went out of her way to bring me here. We rode a red box-beast-thing.

Kazuma's mother named the majestic metal monster 'car'. That thing is extremely fast, cool and it could sing too!

I think she said that she might come by if her job doesn't get in the way...

A-Anyhow!

...What should I say to him?

Nevermind!

I, holder of ultimate intelligence and superhuman calculation skill, Megumin, shall pass my obstacles head on!

* * *

I glanced at the clock.

Quite a few hours past noon. Did I nap for a time so short? What time did I even go to nap?

\- are the kind of questions that I won't get an answer on.

At least an hour has passed after I woke up. In that time, I have come to the conclusion that the hospital is a commonplace place of boredom.

There's nothing interesting on the TV, no computer to play games on, not to mention that there's no way to access the internet... simply terrible.

...

A month. That's around 30 days; about 720 hours; that's 43200 minutes; which is equal to 2592000 seconds.

The speed of falling sakura petals are 5cm/s; which means that if I am a sakura petal I would've already traveled 12960000 centimeters.

But that doesn't make any sense. Japanese sakura trees are generally 762 centimeters tall. I would've hit the ground first. So unless I'm falling down an endless rabbit hole...

Whatever, I have no life to waste.

Anyway, that's a lot of time. I'm still not sure whether I can take in all of that yet.

Lot's of things should have passed by. Game Event A, Game Event B, R̶e̶a̶l̶-li̶f̶e̶ ̶F̶e̶s̶t̶i̶v̶a̶l̶ ̶C̶ (forget that, it wasn't so bad to miss after all), Game release Event D,...

...and Megumin's birthday...

What a nice time to miss her birthday. Kazuma, you're so sugoi! **[TL: Wonderful.][AN: It was the co-author, don't accuse me of being a weeb!]**

FOREVER ALONE. HA. HA. HA.

 _Please take some time to imagine this sad, lonely trash-like thing saying the last sentence with dissapointed, humorless and monotone tone._

Shut up, nonexistent narrator.

...

Maybe I'll just get her a staff. She didn't seem to have a staff when she came into Japan. I won't get the one that is taller than the one and only little kid, but one that would go as a cellphone strap. Heck, do those kind of goods even exist?

I guess I'll check out Akihabara when I go out again after I'm discharged.

Worst case scenario, I'd give her some branch I found on the side of the road.

...

As I dismissed that last thought, the door to the hospital room swung open, fast and furious. It made a loud collision course with the poor wall.

A flashy, but totally unnecessary opening. Don't you have any form of respect for the people around you!?

The figure that stands at the entrance is short, like a grade schooler.

However, the uniform that she wears happens to be from a certain high school that rings a bell to me. Still, I'm surprised they have uniforms that small. There's no sign of her warm-coloured robes, hat, or coat anywhere. Maybe her iconic eyepatch, but that's it.

She looks like she's just done a front kick taekwondo-style. Her pose lets me peek under her skirt. Thanks to the power of light, I am able to glimpse at her pantsu: black laced pantsu! My favorite!

She lowers her leg, finally giving light to her own complexion.

Brown hair a little longer than what I am used to and that familiar hairstyle.

Radiant crimson eyes.

Like magic, our gazes met.

Her smile widens by the moment.

"Kazuma, Kazuma!"

A grin formed on my face too.

"Yes, yes, I'm Kazuma."


	8. A Moment of Respite!

**Author's Note: Welcome to the n-th reiteration of this chapter! The value of 'n', I'll just leave it in the air.**

 **Anyway, elixejo (who I gave permission to write Radiant Crimson 2, mind you) seems to be busy. He hasn't contacted me for a while, so I assume that he has better things to do in real life. That being the case, I thought that this might be a good chance to resume writing.**

 **Btw, don't expect this to be good. There's a reason why I always abandon my story, you know?**

 **Anyway, please enjoy~!**

* * *

 **[1] Bousouzoku: Japanese bike gang. In case you don't know, the reason Kazuma became a hikikomori is that his childhood friend (who promised they'd marry when they grew up or some shit) went off with another guy riding a motorbike (which doesn't actually mean that he is a member of a bike gang but whatever).**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I don't own KonoSuba, and am ashamed to admit that I haven't finished season 2. I already read the LN, okay?!**

* * *

Time sure passes in a flash, thought Kazuma in his mind. 3 weeks ago he was still lying on a hospital bed and the next thing he knew... he was already standing in front of the school! Now, I know what you are thinking right now. Kazuma? School? How? Well, the answer is quite simple really. He was forced to, by the girl he dragged along from another world.

"Kazuma, Kazuma," she said one day while he was still recovering from that failed bungee jump. "Why won't you go to school?"

Kazuma, being the dominant, alpha male that he is, reasoned with her. He told a tale of men long past, who died from overwork and abuse caused by the cruel reality. He said that he should not be subjected to that. He was the leader, the one fit to rule. He stood on top of the chain we called society, so he has the right to not do, 'lowly things' such as going to school. Being born with a golden spoon stuck up his arse- er, mouth, he has the right to not work, not pursue further education or lift his own body from the bed. In short; he has the right to be human trash and a burden to his family.

Our lovely heroine and explosion maniac Megumin did not think so, however. "You shalt not rot in this place you called 'hospital', peasant. Ye shalt accompany me on a journey to pursue further education, as high as the sky would carry us. No, even beyond the sky, towards the stars and beyond!"

While Kazuma disregarded such nonsense uttered by Megumin's elegant lips, she was quite persistent. She annoys him for the next few days until Kazuma was sure that he would bleed from his ears if not for his adventure hardened body. And thus, he finally caved in. "All right! I'll go to school, okay?!"

And so, here he was. Staring at the gate while receiving weird gazes all around him. His uniform, which he was not accustomed to, felt hot and uncomfortable on his skin. The tie was akin to a rope, choking him to the point where he was hyperventilating. This isn't where he was supposed to be, he is not safe here. He does not belong here, no he does not. His arms began to shake uncontrollably, his hands and forehead cold with sweat. The stares, they're too much. I can't do this. This is a place of betrayal. Where **she** lied about our promise and went off with a bousouzoku **[1]** member. I want to go back, to my room... game characters couldn't betray me. In here, I'm just another faceless figure in a sea of faceless figures, ready to stab my back. I wanna go back, I wanna go back, I wanna go back-

"Kazuma, why are you spacing out in front of the gate?" then came the voice of Megumin from behind him. Like a beacon of hope, lighting his way in the middle of darkness.

"N-Nothing. I'm just waiting for you," Kazuma managed to stutter, despite his wild nerves. Somehow, knowing that Megumin was here with him, he starts to feel his unease evaporate. Slowly, gently.

"Then couldn't you've just waited back home while I was having breakfast?" that's true, he thought. Why did he leave first, anyway? Was he being overconfident, from his experiences in the fantasy world, where he seems to be doing just fine? Now that he thinks about it, maybe it was because of his party that he was able to act normally there. Darkness, Aqua, and Megumin. Somehow, he could put his trust in them (hard to believe, considering how incompetent they are).

He doesn't know himself, but one thing he knows for sure; if Megumin's here, he's going to be fine.

And so, with that conviction in mind, Kazuma stepped forward with her trailing behind him.

* * *

"Sorry, Satou-kun. But there's no more seat in here."

That sentence came from a generic, faceless not to mention nameless student that you could refer as 'Student F'. While he was neither faceless nor nameless, Kazuma couldn't bother to remember them and so he referred to him as such. 'Student F'.

"..."

That being said, he was quite speechless. What does he mean by there not being enough seat? Isn't this supposed to be his class, which he was absent to for more than 1 semester? Then shouldn't there be a reserved seat that belongs to him? Thankfully, 'Student G' was kind enough to explain the situation to the oblivious Kazuma, though her way of talking was extremely annoying in Kazuma's opinion.

"You see~, there was one empty seat that apparently belongs to you but~, Megumin-san transferred and so we gave the seat to her. I mean~, it's not like we expect Satou-kun's seat to be used by Satou-kun. You were absent for the entire semester after all~."

"...Fine. I'll check with the homeroom teacher if there's any spare."

The student nodded and told him the homeroom teacher's name.

"Ne, sorry for taking your seat, Kazuma!" you don't look the least bit apologetic when saying that though?! Kazuma thought.

Anyway, he sighed and stepped out of the classroom, Class F, it said on the sign. Without any motivation whatsoever, he wandered to what he suppose was the staff room and entered with a knock. With a quick scan of the room, Kazuma saw a single teacher watching the nearby TV while eating sunflower seeds.

"Excuse me, is Tokumei-sensei around?" a few moments of silence passed until the teacher wearing a tracksuit reminiscent of the one Kazuma owns raised himself from his seat.

"No, he seems to be absent. He usually skips work when there's nothing important to do."

Why would the school employ such irresponsible person to be a teacher, and more like, should you be bad mouthing another teacher in front of your student? Not that it was any of his business, Kazuma thought.

"Is that so... may I ask if there were any spare seat and table, sir?"

"Hm? Are you another transfer student?"

"...You could say that," said Kazuma. What else was he supposed to say, that he was a reborn NEET who was charmed by a loli to attend school once again?

"I see, I see! Well, follow me. Let's look for them in the storage room."

Tracksuit (that's how Kazuma referred the teacher inside of his head) led him towards the back of the school, passing through empty hallways and finally arrived in front of a locked door which he assumes the door to the storage room. The floor in front of the room was covered in... salt?

Tracksuit reached into his pocket and took out a ring of keys, and tried them one by one. Time seemed to pass slower than usual as the man tried and failed many times to match the correct lock. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he inserted the last lock and it clicked.

Opening the door, the first thing they noticed was the stench of rotting wood and dust. A lot of dust. It seems like this room hasn't been used for years. Coughing for a second or two, Tracksuit motioned towards a solitary set of chair and desk at the back of the dark room.

"You seem to be in luck. It's still here," Tracksuit said. What do you mean by, 'it's still here'? You mean that those have been left here since the last time you've been here? And how long ago was that? Kazuma pondered.

"You see, there used to be a rumor. That a student was spirited away," he broke into a monolog. "One day, without any notice whatsoever, he simply vanished. All that's left is his chair and desk... that was back when the school was first built, eleven years ago. Well, the thing is, the same occurrence happened one year after that. Another student who sat in the same seat suddenly disappeared without a trace. The principal at the time disregarded it as being some kind of coincidence, but when it happened for the third time, he knew that something is going on. So, he called someone who claims himself to be a psychic. This psychic, however, refused to even step inside the classroom where the chair and desk were located. 'It's evil,' he screamed from the top of his lungs."

The man rubbed his majestic beard for a moment, probably for dramatic effect, then continued on.

"The psychic told the principal, 'if you value your life, you should lock that thing away. Don't worry, while it is strong, it cannot wander far from where it is bound,' and after that, the psychic muttered some kind of chant and told the principal to carry it away. The previous Principal moved them here, apparently, and they haven't been touched since then. Of course, that's just a rumor! It's probably not true, but still... there must be a reason that no one ever touched it, right?"

Tracksuit looked at Kazuma with a weird look in his eyes. Unease, or dare he says it, fear?

"Um, I'll wait here," then he backed away from the door, facing away from it.

Kazuma gulped. It's weird, he thought, it's just a chair and desk. And yet, and yet... he doesn't want to go near it. Kazuma's mind, enhanced by his INT stats mocked himself for fearing some bullshit story told by a tracksuit wearing old man. It pushed him forward, one step at a time, towards them. He doesn't know why, but his pores began to open up, cold sweat pouring out wetting his tight uniform. It's just inanimate objects, he said. Ghosts and curses don't exist, at least not in this world. But how is he supposed to know if that's true? Kazuma knew that soul does indeed exist, so why shouldn't they be able to stay in this world? The only reason he was summoned to the afterlife was the Goddess (it pains him to call Aqua that) willed so.

A few steps left until he reaches the table. Kazuma's heartbeat quickens, and with shaky hands, he touched it.

...

Nothing happened.

From outside he can hear the sound of a man's laughter. He looked back and saw the teacher laughing his ass off at him. So it was bullshit after all?!

Kazuma scowled and grudgingly carried the table outside.

"Haha, he fell for it! What, you think ghost exist or something?! Hahaha!" it took Tracksuit another two minutes to calm himself down.

"Sorry, sorry. You're a new student so I just felt like pranking you. Here, let me carry the table. You carry the chair," Tracksuit said as he took it into his hands.

With a sigh, Kazuma entered the dark room to get the said chair and heaved it up. Then, they both headed to Class F and Kazuma (insincerely) thanked the tracksuit-clad teacher.

"Oh, Satou-san~, back already~?" asked 'Student G'.

Kazuma simply nods and placed his dusty chair and table next to the window, seat number one counting from behind. That's right, exactly behind the protagonist seat, which was occupied by Megumin.

So I was fated to be a side-character?! That stupid thought was accompanied by the ringing bell, signifying the start of the first session.

* * *

On a far, far plane of existence, a blue haired woman was crying. Beside her stood an armored knight, prim and proper, consoling the woman while trying not to cry herself.

"Uwaa... Darkness! What should we do now?! It was fake! The rumor was!"

Well, what do you expect, the knight thought to herself. Indeed, what did they expect? A spring that sprouts water that can restore everything to its previous state? Ha! Of course, no such thing exists. Yet the knight forced her doubts down into the deepest reaches of her mind, clinging to her companion's stupidity and more importantly, her hope instead.

That was stupid of me, she thought. But she couldn't help it. Who would turn away hope if they see one? They couldn't help but cling to it, no matter how stupid or ridiculous it was. But maybe it wasn't much hope in the first place. Darkness remembered that the source of that rumor was Aqua, who heard it from some old, drunk adventurer.

So, who was at fault? The only answer she came up with was herself. The only reason she was feeling upset was that she decided to believe in such faint ideas out of her own free will, no matter how many times her logical side told her not to. But, as she said already, who could turn away hope when they see one?

Besides, her companion was more hurt by this than she was. Darkness with her doubts versus her companion Aqua who wholeheartedly believe in said rumor... the impact must be even more devastating. So Darkness hid away her feeling, she endured and hug her friend while uttering sweet sounds to comfort her.

"Shh, it's okay. There's plenty of tales similar to this one and one of them must be true. That's why... don't give up," said her mouth. Her heart, however, doesn't think so at all. She wished for this to end, for them to accept the truth; that Kazuma and Megumin was gone. The dead won't return, and Aqua was deluding herself when she said that she can cast revival magic.

"I wanna go home..." Aqua slipped those words between her tears. "I wanna go home..."

Darkness knows this very well. Despite Aqua's lies about being a Goddess and all, this part of her life seems to be genuine. She cannot return home (wherever this home where old men apparently sunbathe on the rooftop is) until she defeated the Demon Lord, and to achieve this, she needed the help of those two.

But was it really the case? Do they really need the help of two long-gone adventurers to defeat the Demon Lord? Darkness argued that there was plenty of stronger adventurers around, who would gladly join them should they ask to go on a journey to exterminate the Demon Lord. Then, memory flashes inside of her mind. Of days spent with the four of them together. Happy times, sad times. The idea of continuing without the two of them began to seem stranger and stranger. It wouldn't do, it just wouldn't. It's not the same. Darkness couldn't paint an image of her and other adventurers defeating the Demon Lord no matter how many times she tried, it just wouldn't do. It has to be with the four of us, she thought with conviction. Conviction without fact or reason, it just seemed right in her opinion.

And so she waited for Aqua to calm down while enduring her own tears that are about to flow.

They will keep on searching, she thought. Until they find a way to restore their everyday life, where those two are around.


End file.
